im loosing all hope

in living... loveing...dreaming.... and breathing.....

it hurts to breathe.. it hurts to wake up each day... i wanted to cut and ive OD but i was never admitted to hospital... nothing really happened... no one knew anything... i took them with alcohol and the pack was 24.... but im still here never went to hospital... i want to cut and i want to hang myself but i know thats not the answer....

i tried to be with some new friends and go to church hoping that it would change me but it hasnt i dont feel any different... i know you all probably think i need help but i can tell you i dont... just writing out here takes some of the pain away... but its gonna do until i can sort shit out...

i havent cut since my friend told me, he gave me his trust not to... and i havent which is good considering i was close to it....

any advice on how to help me to stop feeling the way i do... no i dont want suggestions of a cousellor... even if i say i want it to be patient privacy they still will tell... and ive asked mother if i could go to the doctors to see if i have depression or something like that... ive been going through one moment im hyper and as hapy as i can be but the next im all depressed over nothing and sometimes even crying over nothing and nothing has happend that can explain that .... mom still wont take me... she had an appointment but the she cancelled it...