1D Group Write

@ broken bells

I loved it, love! And you portrayed Niall perfectly; the happy-go-lucky chap!

@ Antidote.
Ahh, good! Thank you

@ broken bells
I loved it but I feel AJ would say something, not to Zayn but to Jordan even if Jordan ignored it or maybe not in this chapter but the next encounter maybe. Also I don't think is an issue of you post now. I'm actually ready to write again but AJ would be how you described her. I love you!

@ EmzyStilinski
Yayay, okay.

I almost had AJ say something, instead of just watching Zayn and Jordan's little encounter - or even a simple, "Can I help you?" when Jordan was looking at her - but anything I could come up with just seemed far too bitchy and unreasonable. I was thinking maybe there's a lot of tension between AJ and Jordan and their encounters wouldn't be too pleasant. I'm not sure what you'd like AJ's "problem" with Jordan to be but I was thinking Jordan could not be too happy with AJ because, obviously, she's engaged to Zayn but also because she feels she's actually competition, I guess? If all that makes sense?

But I'm glad I got AJ mostly right. hehe, love you tooo!

@ broken bells
I'm so sorry Willow, but I LOL'd when Jordan said, "—and her stupid insecurities."


BUT OH MY GOD, I couldn't stop smiling throughout the whole thing, this is exciting! The beginning drama you had rethinking isn't bad, I actually didn't mind it. Haha, if I didn't know what was going, I would be asking what the hell is the story between those three?

Quote

Jordan ran a hand through her dark brown hair, chewing on her lip to keep away the tears she felt burning her eyes. But as she opened her mouth to reply, a cab pulled up next to her. She couldn’t remember being more thankful for anything in her life. She opened the back door, a foot in the cab as she looked at Zayn’s pleading eyes. “I’ll call you,” she whispered, her voice cracking. She got into the car, shutting the door as she recited her address to the driver. She fished her phone out of the bottom of her purse, going to unlock it but pausing as she noticed the date. It was only three weeks away from her mother’s death. She was only eleven when it happened but it’s something that, while got easier to deal with each year, was still a difficult day for her. She knew she could call her dad but it wouldn’t help him; ever since her mother’s death he just wasn’t the same. It was times like this she wished she could just call Willow, her sister, but that hasn’t been an option for the past two years, thanks to Willow and her stupid insecurities.

It's probably just me, but that's a big paragraph. And I don't know, but when she got into the car she immediately took out her phone and got into the whole family thing, maybe explain how she's feeling about the whole thing before she sees the date? I just think that finding out your boyfriend is engaged to a rich leggy blond would be a bit of a downer.

THAT WAS THE ONLY THING, I couldn't really find any mistakes. I already love Niall, I mean, I didn't think I wouldn't, but still.

@ She Said Poptarts
UGH I KNOW. I have a thing for unneeded information. I started slacking toward the end because I was getting tired but I wanted to finish before I went to sleep. I was trying to make it one of those situations where you're just already sad and then something else happens and like suddenly the lack of world peace makes you sadder, if that makes sense?

But I'll go over it now and repost it when I'm finished

@ broken bells

Page 19:

That's what I was thinking! I was thinking of mentioning something to do with Liam and Willow but just be super vague, so they don't know until later it was about them. XD Alright, thank you for the help!

Since we talked about this, maybe remove "Liam" from;

Quote

Jordan tore herself away from her thoughts, knowing that thinking about what happened with her, Willow and Liam would only make her angrier.

Just to keep the mystery about Liam, 'til next chapter.

@ EmzyStilinski
@ Antidote.
@ walk by faith

But do you guys want to talk about the next chapters now? (aka outline) Since we're half way there. .. I'll just leave this here.

Chapter 1: (Bee) -- introduction for Codie.
Chapter 2: (Ema) -- introduction for AJ, friendship with Louis, and mention engagement.
Chapter 3: (Kayla) -- introduction for Jordan, at Niall's bar, finds out about engagement, mentions Willow.
Chapter 4: (Calli) -- introduction for Willow, her insecurities, puts on Liam's sweater, finally has a day off and spends it in front of her TV.
Chapter 5: (Becca) -- introduction for Max, anything else?
Chapter 6: (Bee) --
Chapter 7: (Ema) --
Chapter 8: (Kayla) --
Chapter 9: (Calli) -- what she does for her assistant/receptionist work, next day Willow is at the hospital volunteering, where a room causes a memory flash of Liam.
Chapter 10: (Becca) --

@ She Said Poptarts
Also, for this part: It was times like this she wished she could just call Willow, her sister, but that hasn’t been an option for the past two years, thanks to Willow and her stupid insecurities.

The Williw, her sister, part I'm stuck on. Would it be too confusing if I took out the her sister part and just kept it as: It was times like this she wished she could just call Willow but that hasn’t been an option for the past two years, thanks to Willow and her stupid insecurities.? I almost did that while writing it - because I think it sounds better without adding 'her sister' - but, I don't know. I'm probably thinking too much into it.

Whoops, I forgot! No problem, I'll take Liam out.

And I think we should probably start figuring out the next round of chapters.

EDIT: I altered the chapter in the post I posted my chapter in, let me know if that's good! I'm horrible at adding in things to an already written chapter

@ She Said Poptarts

My first chapter, I was thinking of introducing Max and Harry's friendship, like perhaps they are out shopping or something. I was thinking Harry asks a question that triggers Max to think about her past, but it will only mention briefly her leaving a guy she loved (no mention of the name 'Niall', so people are left thinking who it could be as well.) I'm not sure if my next chapter will be the run in with Niall, but it will be at the end- so sort of a cliffhanger kind of thing!?

@ broken bells
Oooh! The second part is good, I like that.

@ Antidote.
Does Max know about Four Leaf? If not, maybe you can bring her there somehow.
And like she could be staring away from the bar, but she's seated at the bar, and she could hear his VOICE ADN OMG I'M GETTING EXCITED JUST THINKING ABOUT TISAJBDA.

@ She Said Poptarts

Girl, you're giving me all kinds of ideas now
I think I have my second chapter sorted now

@ Antidote.
He could be like, "What can I get ya, love?"
And Max will be like; (I wasn't sure which one was more appropriate, why not use all?)

My next chapter may focus on Zayn and AJ and the stuff their families are putting them through. I might have them have to go to a company party and end it in the middle. Maybe Jordan ends up their and AJ Jordan interaction?

@ broken bells

She Said Poptarts:

@ Antidote.
And Max will be like;

That made me laugh a lot more than it probably should've. I'm just picturing somebody actually making each of those faces.

YOU TWO GOT ME SO EXCITED FOR BECCA'S CHAPTER WEE.

I'm brainstorming what will happen with my next chapter and then I'll let you know!

@ EmzyStilinski
I think focusing on what their families are putting them through would be good but the problem with Jordan showing up is, how would she? The only involvement she's got with the 'higher class' is Zayn but they're together in secret, so it isn't like he could invite her.

OOH. Maybe what you could do something like... I don't know, by your chapter Zayn and Jordan could've already made up and (I'm going to have Zayn living in his own apartment) Jordan stayed at Zayn's place the night before your chapter, and your chapter could be AJ coming over to Zayn's apartment because they're supposed to do some publicity thing (ie. go to lunch, go shopping together, go to a company party together - something that gets them seen together).
And Jordan knows about it but as she's getting ready to slip out of the house, AJ is early and shows up and boom, drama.

I don't know though, would it be too unrealistic for Jordan to stay over Zayn's? I mean, too easy for them to be caught even if she sneaks out or something?

@ broken bells
Maybe they decide to meet up at Four Leaf and Jordan is there to talk to Zayn before AJ gets there and she's early. Maybe Louis canned working as well and that's why shes early? The only thing is how would we know if they made up of my chapter is first
edit:also if AJ did say something to her in your chapter she would try to explain that she didn't want Zayn. She knows how it feels to be cheated on)

@ broken bells
I think... you should make Jordan drink some of the sunrise before she got off the stool.

@ EmzyStilinski
Yeah, I have no idea. Maybe like... she just runs into them at Four Leaf or whatever and they're just talking (whether AJ overhears or not) and then they can have whatever confrontation and then my chapter I can just mention how AJ interrupted Jordan and Zayn while they were working things out?

it probably sounds confusing and very vague because i'm super tired so i apologize in advance

@ She Said Poptarts
That was actually added in when I was edited it in the thread before I posted it! I had completely forgotten about the drink so I was just like shit, so I added that. but I can throw in a few drinks or something if it makes more sense because, why the hell would she buy it and not drink it?

@ broken bells
lol, I just think she should be like, 'omg, this is hard to take him, i'll just throw this back quickly and leave.' something like that.

When did you guys want me to post my chapter?

@ broken bells
Now? Lol I'm excited dammit. Godt guys im like a scattered hyper mess with finals. Now I'm sitting on my couch in my Sleep pants and "I love Bradford Badboys" shirt watching the voice. I'm living ATM lol

@ She Said Poptarts

@ Antidote.