Even If You Can't Hear My Voice, I'll Be Right Beside You

-double post shenanigans-

Bucky watched the weapons be tested, it wasn’t something that overly interested him but he stood there watching none the less. Until he glanced around the room, his eyes moving up behind him where he caught sight of the woman who washed his hair was standing. Stepping backwards he made his way up the metal stairs that lead to the balcony she was standing on alone, “I don’t remember much. Why do these weapons look familiar to me?” He asked her as she was really the only person he felt like he could ask, if he went to anyone else he would either be told off and slapped across the face or he would be punished and had another mind wiping session. Both he didn’t want to happen, so he went to her. He did keep his distance so she wouldn’t be too scared of him, he admired her courage however. She put her safety on the line just so she could wash his hair, no one had done anything like that before to him or for him. He looked at her and took in her appearance, he wasn’t blind nor was he stupid. He could tell and sense that something was bothering her, it was probably the reason that she always looked so upset.
“Are you alright?” He asked rather awkwardly as he actually didn’t talk much to anyone at the base, unless he was having a de-brief about a mission. But that was mostly it, he had gotten used to not interacting with other people and he was somewhat okay with it. It wasn’t like he could change that, he was an assassin so that is what he was used for. He wasn’t there to talk and make friends, not that anyone wanted to be his friend as they all thought he’d kill them eventually. Which he could easily do.

---

It all happened so fast, Grace was being thrown but she didn’t land on the ground concrete ground like she had been expected. She briefly opened her eyes to see what had happened, she had been turned around and moved by someone who was incredibly strong. Who she saw there beside her was only a little bit shocking, she knew Steve would always protect her but she didn’t know he was in the area. She allowed him to move her wherever he needed, she trusted him completely and knew he wouldn’t let her be in harm’s way. She stayed behind the abandoned car and finally looked at him properly, “Yeah. I think so,” She murmured but still answered him, her heart was pounding in her chest from not only adrenaline but from the fear of what was going on around her. “Go, I’ll be fine.” She told him as she could hear the sounds of fighting not that far away from them, she watched as Steve ran away from her and Grace slowly moved herself so she could see what was happening. Natasha was fighting two HYDRA agents, Sam flew down to help take one of the agents off her hands. Her eyes searched for Steve and found he was fighting more agents, his shield flew through the air and he caught it like it was natural for him which it probably was.
Everything seemed to slow down, go into slow motion when Grace caught sight of a HYDRA agent hiding near a burning car. His rifle pointed straight at Steve, she didn’t think about anything as she jumped into action. She ran as fast as she could across the street to where an agent was laying on the ground still groaning in pain, she grabbed his gun that he had dropped. She gripped the metal weapon in both her hands, she aimed at the sniper and just pulled the trigger before he could shoot at Steve. Grace only realised what she had done when the sniper fell backwards, her hands were shaking as she had aimed for the man’s shoulder but he had moved and the bullet hit his chest instead. She had spent years saving lives and now she could have taken one, she hadn’t wanted to injure or kill him she just wanted to stop him from hurting Steve.

When she looked again, he was gone. It was only that she saw Barnes approach from the side that she didn't freak out at his sudden and quiet appearance. Ari shoved her hands into the coat of her black coat, sitting snugly around her frame but undone. She didn't look at him when he came closer and asked. Her answer was simple as her tone firm but soft. "You used them on many missions, Barnes." She squared her shoulders and lifted her chin. They were visible to anyone wanted to look up. She wouldn't show any emotion here. Nothing that would risk his being wiped again.
Ari ran a gloved finger along the balcony rail and rested it when her arm was a little more outstretched. She heard his question but she didn't answer It immediately. She thought over all the answers she could give him and selected the one she thought would bring less suspicion of lies. "Yes, I am." She looked over her shoulder at him then. "Are you?"
Casting a glance back down at the crowd, anything to not look at him and to hold herself together. She stepped away from the rail and slowly walked towards him, and the door that was behind him. From this angle nobody could see them unless that person was hovering midair. Out of her pocket with the hand that was still in it, she pulled out two round objects wrapped in tissue. She let the tissue unwrap to reveal two small ripe plums. Stopping a little out of arms reach she raised her arm with the plums, holding them out to him. "Since you have no memory, Barnes, what does your instinct tell you? Does it tell you to trust me or to not?"

---

Convinced she was okay, and when she urged him to go on, Steve obeyed. He nodded and rushed back into the battle, taking out agents with his shield and his punches and his kicks. So many. Where were they coming from? He grabbed an agent and brought him closer to his face. "Where's your base?" He demanded, but the agent only hissed "hail hydra" and broke a tooth, for thung at the mouth as he fell to the ground.
Steve didn't waste time with him and headed for the next guy. But the next, and the one after didn't answer. Already at least half the team was knocked down. Steve heard a gunshot nearby and whirled around to see a sniper fall down. He looked to the side and saw Grace with a gun in her hand looking rather shocked. His heart clenched a little. A doctor and she too a life, he could imagine her turmoil but there was no time for that. He nodded to her, tapping his fingers to his temple in a small salute, like all those years back he did to Bucky.
He turned and knocked out three more agents and then as fast as it has happened, it ended. Men lay on the ground groaning, police cars swarmed but Steve and Natasha and Anthony were already rushing away to their own getaway car. As Steve passed Grace he briefly paused to take her by the arm. "come," he said firmly. Quickly he pulled her along into the car in which Natasha waited. They would get her away from here, then he would take her back. Steve couldn't leave her here now. Someone might recognise her from SHIELD and HYDRA being so close... He couldn't risk it.

He didn’t remember using them on missions, not that it surprised him. With each session he lost more and more memories about the missions he has done over the years. Although the details may be getting blurry, the faces of the people he killed stayed clear in his memory and always would. He didn’t want to forget a single one, he needed to remember so if he ever did get away from HYDRA then he could work on fixing all the pain he has caused in the world. Glancing over at the flying drone, he watched it move through the air as someone controlled it. He was exactly like the drone, being controlled and told what to do. Not having a life or a chance to be something else, always doing the dirty work for people who were too scared to lift a damn finger. Bucky looked back over to the woman, was he alright? No one had asked him that before, he didn’t know how to answer her question so he simply just shrugged his shoulders lightly and left it at that.
He watched as she walked over to him, her hand came out from her coat pocket and he noticed she was holding two small objects. Looking down he saw a dark purple colour of the plum before he looked back at her, “I don’t trust anyone but myself.” He told her quietly and saw an emotion wash over her face, was it disappointment? He couldn’t tell, she was about to step around him when he held out his metal arm. Blocking her way to the door, but he didn’t dare touch her. “I feel different around you, every time I’ve woken up after… a session and someone is there with me. I attack them, I’m always on edge and I snap at them.” He told her as she has been the only one he hasn’t hurt, “I trust you. I just don’t know why,” He looked at her as he spoke, he was being honest with her.

---

Grace felt a flood of emotions run through her body and mind, she stood there as everything surrounding her went fuzzy. She couldn’t focus on anything but where the sniper had once been, seconds before. Looking down at the gun, she let it fall from her hands and land on the ground. She barely noticed Steve in front of her until he took her arm and guided her away from the horrible scene, following him Grace climbed into a car before Natasha sped away so the police wouldn’t find them. Grace sat in the back seat in silence, tears welled up in her eyes. She has never felt this bad before, she has lost patients before when she worked at the hospital and even a few SHIELD agents but she had never taken a life before. “I… I didn’t mean too…” Grace whispered mostly to herself, she knew Steve didn’t have time for this. He should be out finding where HYDRA’s base was and getting Bucky out of there, she let out a shaky breath as she tried to calm her nerves although she failed miserably. “You did what you had to, he was the enemy. It’s what we do,” Natasha spoke as she drove through the streets, Grace stared down at her hands that were resting on her lap.
“Did he? He could have a family… I’m not like you, I don’t hurt people.” Grace squeezed her eyes shut but she couldn’t block out what she had done, she wanted to open her eyes and today be one big horrible nightmare but sadly when she did open her eyes she was still sitting in the car. She didn’t want to break down or start crying in front of them, she was a doctor and has dealt with death before. But she killed someone, she took a man’s life. To some it might not seem like such a big deal, but for Grace it was. The first patient she lost would always stick to her mind, but she had gone home and Luka had been there. Now she’d go home and no one would be there, it was too much of a risk for Steve to stay and he had things to do.

Ari rolled her shoulders a little. She could hear the drone hovering somewhere behind her, given away only by the buffeting air that it created. His answer brought over disappointment but it also brought relief. At least, in some way, he could trust himself and that was enough. She nodded a little and moved around him, lowering her arm but his metal arm blocked the way out. She stared down at it but not in fear, listening as he spoke. The arm was shiny, parts replaced after the latest mission. It was something she would never make anything close to. It amazed her even now, up so close.
He finished talking and a light smile played on her lips. She took his metal arm and slowly turned it over so that the palm was facing up and placed one plum on it.
"I knew the Barnes before you, and the one before him. And everytime it's the same. You trust, you remember, you get wiped." She looked over at him and softly smiled, her hair moving to reveal the glaring red HYDRA symbol stitched on her coat. "I can fix a drone and design a jet but I can't fix you, because you're not a machine. You're human. Remember that."

---

Listening to Grace, Steve suddenly just realised how very different to them she was. Not only was she an ordinary citizen who was no agent, who did not work in the field, never put in danger and never fought in a fight like this before but also a doctor, someone who dos the very opposite to what he and all the agents around did.
He looked at her and took her hand into his. "Don't think about it," he said, "It will only be worse if you do." But it was easier said than done. He remembered his first kill too. It had been unexpected, he thought he only knocked the guy out but by the twisted shape of his neck he knew.
He looked at Natasha then. They couldn't just leave her now that she was really upset, but they couldn't take her to base with them and there was nobody of them who could stay. Steve was worried for her. It was written all over in his eyes. He would have taken that bullet to save her from this pain, this deed that she did when she was supposed to do the opposite.
"I'll come to you tonight, I'll try," he promised as they took a detour and then rode to her street. Anthony pulled up by the apartment as Steve directed him and glanced over at Natasha and Steve and Grace. Steve have Grace a small hug, but they had to go. he opened the door to let her out once he was sure there was nobody on the street. He would pay her a visit tonight again. He would stay as long as he could.

She knew him. She actually knew him before every mind wipe, and yet he didn’t even remember her name. He looked at her and glanced over to his metal hand, the plum resting against the cool metal. He wished that he could feel the fruit with both his hands, but he has had heaps of time to grow used to the metal arm he would always have. If he didn’t want it, then he’d only have one arm and the metal arm was easy for him to control now. Taking the plum he dropped it into the pocket of his black pants, he wished that she could fix him. But what she said rang in his ears, he was still human but HYDRA was treating him like a machine. A killing machine. He watched as she continued walking and left the room, the drone was still being tested but Bucky couldn’t care less. A few minutes afterwards he headed out into the hallway, he wanted to go find her again and speak with her more in a private place. But he knew that he shouldn’t, he didn’t want to get his mind wiped anytime soon and he didn’t want to risk her getting into any form of danger.
She was smart and pretty, she deserved to have a normal life. As normal as she could while working for HYDRA, he wandered around the base for a while until he passed the training room. There were three agents inside, all were working out on their own but there was one who was kicking the punching bag. She could kick, but didn’t like stretching. The tips of his fingers felt warmth suddenly, the same warmth that he felt when he gave her hips a few light taps so she would turn her body when she did a kick.

---

Grace nodded her head lightly when Steve said he’d try to visit her that night, she wasn’t fully paying attention to him. Her hug was weak and she quickly climbed out of the car, she could feel her strength breaking. She watched as Natasha drove away and Sam flew back up into the sky, so Grace turned and headed right into the apartment complex. Entering her apartment in a record time, she kicked her shoes off and pulled her clothes off as she rushed to the bathroom. She left a trail of clothing on the floor as she jumped into the shower, feeling the hot water flow over her body she finally let the tears roll down her cheeks. Sobs escaped from her lips and her whole body shook as she cried, she had to use the wall of the shower for support as the tears flowed without any sign of stopping. She stayed in the shower until the sobs and tears came to a slow end, she turned the water off and dried herself with a towel. Walking into her room, she pulled on the most comfortable pajamas that she had even though it was still early in the day.
She curled up on her bed and laid there for hours, if she had any alcohol in her apartment then she would have drowned her sorrows but she didn’t have a bottle of anything. She wanted Steve to be there, hell she’d have Luka be there. She thought about calling him or Aria, but Luka was HYDRA and Aria could be as well. Besides she killed someone that they worked with, could have been someone they liked and were friends with. A son, a brother, a father, a husband. He could have been any one of them or all of them, she tried not to think about it like Steve told her. But she couldn’t stop thinking about what she did.

Ari spent an hour organising a new project she was handed. She had an assistant now. It was quite a challenge to manage this and that. But it spared her unnecessary stupid jobs. Mr Haworth could choke on one for all she cared. She was still assigned to him, still apprentice, but had so much more freedom.
The rooftop, secluded from prying eyes and not a place people often used, was her refuge for stressful times. Ari set her bag down in her usual spot and sat down, huddling into her hoodie. It was certainly getting colder around here. She wished HYDRA could invest in some more heaters around the place. The office she worked in was a nightmare at night, so cold she would light candles just to get some heat from the flames.
But now she was up here, and although cold, she didn’t hate it. The air was fresh, and the night sky was starting to fill up with stars twinkling into existence. Underneath a small light, she opened a book and started to read, absorbed into it, a small apple slice in her hand resting on her lips as she read through a scene of action, her eyes darting across the words.

---

The work took longer than he would have liked. Grace’s face was in his mind and it appeared no matter what he thought. He felt so helpless. How do you save someone from their memories? He didn’t know. He ached to see her, to make sure she was safe and sound, wanted to spend time with her and promise her things would be okay, but that would be an empty false promise. He didn’t know if things would be okay. Not with these ships.
Suddenly, he was extremely scared. These ships, if they gain data on Grace that she had shot a man, they would target her too. They would target so many people. He thought his heart stopped for a second and realised he had been holding his breath. Natasha asked if he was okay but he jumped up and rushed out of their base. He couldn’t take this, he had to see her now. He rushed through the streets, keeping to the shadows of the buildings of the cold evening and finally he was on her street. He went around her apartment building and climbed up the fire escape stairs till he reached her level and got onto her balcony. Nobody around, he checked and lightly knocked on the window, keeping to the shadows but still so she could see him from the inside.
He was very unware of a person who had followed him and now too, was keeping to the shadows, unseen.

Bucky hadn’t done much, he got some food to eat and lingered around his room until it got too much. Walking through the base, he let his feet carry him wherever they wanted to go. He found himself climbing the stairs to the rooftop, he had a very blurry memory of going onto the rooftop before. He stepped through the metal door and shut it behind him, he wasn’t paying much attention so as he moved down the metal steps he wasn’t silent like he usually would be. He breathed in the fresh air and felt the chill in the night air, not that the cold seemed to bother him that much anymore. He wasn’t sure why but he could sit on the rooftop in a t-shirt and he would be fine, he moved over to the edge and just looked at the view that surrounded the base. They were hidden well and weren’t close to anything, so they didn’t have any risk of people finding them or attacking them without being seen. It wasn’t until he went to move, that he saw her sitting on the roof with a book in her hand. He wasn’t sure if she had noticed him or heard him yet, so he quietly cleared his throat to get her attention.
“I can leave, if this is your spot. I didn’t think anyone would be up here,” Bucky spoke as he looked at her, she was now looking back at him. He went onto the rooftop as much as he could, which wasn’t often as he was usually frozen. But whenever he wasn’t frozen and wasn’t away on missions, he did like to escape to the rooftop as no one ever found him up there.

---

Grace hadn’t moved that much since she first collapsed onto her bed, her eyes weren’t as red as they had been since she broke down crying in the shower. She jumped a little when she heard a faint knock on the window, leaving her bedroom she walked through her apartment until she reached the window in her living room. She pushed it open when she saw Steve was waiting there for her, she watched as he climbed into her apartment and she shut the window behind him. She didn’t say anything to him, she just moved into his body and buried her face into his chest. Her arms wrapped tightly around him, just having him there calmed her emotions and her mind. “I panicked… I didn’t know what else to do,” She told him which was a little muffled from his chest, but clear enough that he would still be able to hear her. “I aimed for his shoulder,” Her voice cracked as the event replayed in her mind yet again, the man falling backwards would never leave her memory. No matter how badly she wanted to forget, to have the pain and disgust in herself vanish into nothing. But that wouldn’t be happening. She knew that.
“He was aiming at you, a bullet will still hurt you and I can’t let you get hurt.” She explained herself as she looked up at him, she wanted to make sure that he knew today was an accident. He probably did but she needed to make sure that he did, how she’d go back to work was beyond her. She still couldn’t think straight, she wouldn’t be able to help anyone.

Ari hadn’t heard any footsteps, and only when someone cleared their throat did she come back to reality. The apple slice left her lips and tumbled out of her hand. She fumbled to catch it but it was a lost cause.
Ari looked back over at the visitor and took his appearance in. For a brief moment she was confused, then slowly she recognised him in the shadow. “Barnes,” She acknowledged and shook her head, “No. You’re welcome to stay.” She blinked and closed her book carefully after placing a bookmark in. She set the book down and picked up the slice, throwing it over the edge of the roof. Some bird would pick it up tomorrow, she didn’t care. She pushed her hands into her pockets and stretched her legs out but didn’t get up. Lightly she tapped her toes together to warm them up, sighed and looked back over at Barnes. The moonlight fell on his face in a nice way, lighting up his face in a mysterious manner. He wore a t-shirt and she briefly wondered how he wasn’t cold. Maybe all that muscle underneath kept him warm.
“You can sit down, if you want. I won’t bite.” She pointedly looked at the spare spot near her on the raised edge of some cement block. Ari took another apple slice and took a small bite, looking back out at the dark sea of forest. “Do you come here often? When you’re…” She trailed off. She didn’t want to say ‘when you’re not frozen’ because that sounded mean. “…Free?”

---

Steve was relieved when he saw her unharmed and safe come to the window. He climbed in quickly and pulled the curtains over again, hiding them from view. She embraced him and he returned it, holding her and lightly stroking her head hopefully to calm, just like his mother did to him when he was younger and cried after bullies chased him.
“Ssh,” he said softly, resting his cheek on her head. “It happens. Sometimes, things we don’t mean to happen do happen.” He replied softly, still lightly stroking her head. He held her, understanding that she needed to be next to someone and to be held, just as he had wanted a few days ago when he found out Bucky had been alive all this time.
“I know,” he reassured her when she tried to explain, and pulled back only a little to look down at her. “You didn’t mean to, don’t blame yourself.” He knew those were just words though, this would stick with her for the rest of her life. He wished simply that this could all be undone with a few words, but that would be too easy. Life wasn’t easy. He held her close again, not caring if she was ready to sob into his shirt. He was here for her now.
The couch caught his attention and slowly, he led her to it, in case should she want to sit down and curl up and not keep standing.

Bucky took in her appearance, the moon light was shining down onto her. Lighting up her soft features and making her seem like she was glowing from the inside out, he moved closer to her and sat down beside her. “I try to come here as much as I can, I’m not usually free this much.” He looked out at the dark forest that surrounded the base, “Aria. You like to kick, not stretch so much.” He told her what he did remember, hoping that he was right and the memories weren’t getting mixed up with someone else. Although he was pretty sure that he did have his memory correct, glancing over at her to see how she reacted. He normally didn’t get any memories back this quickly, but he guessed that it was because he saw her so often. That’s the only reason he could come up with, “That’s right? Isn’t it?” He asked just to double check, he looked up at the night sky which was now sparkling with tiny stars.
“You look cold,” He noticed as he would have offered his coat or jacket to her, but he only wore those when he went to a country that was going through winter. There have been times when extreme coldness has slowed down his metal arm, which wasn’t good when he was in the middle of a fight. He only had a t-shirt but that could still bring her some warmth, so he leaned forward slightly and went to pull the dark t-shirt from his torso so he could give it to her.

---

Grace did listen to Steve but his words weren’t making her feel any better, it would take her a long time to deal with this. She’d never get over it or forget it, but she could deal with it. That wouldn’t be happening any time soon, but one day it would. She felt him take her over to the couch and she sat down with him, but she leaned back into his body once he was sitting beside her. A few tears dropped onto his shirt as her head rested on his shoulder, “If you’re busy then you don’t need to stay.” Grace told him as she didn’t want to keep him there if he had to work, Bucky was more important than she was. Bucky needed help before he was given another chance to hurt someone, she always thought about others before herself. She also didn’t want him to feel like he had to be there for her, she didn’t want to waste his time. She wiped her tears away and at the same time she pulled her legs up onto the couch, a sign that she didn’t want him to leave but she still wanted to give him the option to leave if he needed to.
“How do you deal with this?” Grace asked in a whisper, she didn’t want to ask in case it brought up a bad memory for Steve but she still wanted to ask. “Should I turn myself in?” She asked as she had been thinking about that, she killed someone so she should go to the police or even to HYDRA. He was a HYDRA agent, they would enjoy dealing with her. She knew she wouldn’t survive in prison, but she broke the law. She was just a doctor, she wasn’t that important to SHIELD because she wasn’t an agent that would get protection if something went wrong.

As he sat down beside her, she felt relieved. At least he didn’t run away. That was progress. She looked at the forest again, watching a few lights blink in the distance. Further ahead she could see the outline of the city, all lights and neon.
Ari jolted with surprise when he said her name. Her full name too. He couldn’t have overheard that anywhere, not even Luka called her that. To everyone she was just Ari. She studied his face, catching and following his eyes when he looked over at her in turn. “Yes,” she replied softly, “it is.” She breathed out a soft sigh lifting the corners of her lips and giving him a small smile. She huddled more into her coat, wishing she had put something more on underneath. She rubbed her knees together and looked up at the stars again. So pretty, so calm.
Catching him leaning forward, she looked over as he started to fuss and realised he was starting to take off his shirt. At show of his abs (and good lord, they were amazing), she squeaked and in small fluster quickly reached out, grabbing his shirt and pulling it back down. “Please, I’m fine,” she blurted out, losing her balance and falling forward a little more. She put her hand out to stop her fall. It landed on his chest but slid down to his stomach as her second (the one grabbing the hem of the shirt) slipped down the side of his leg and she landed face first into his chest, her small groan muffled in his shirt. She started to push herself upright, blushing furiously, and repeatedly whispering, “I’m so sorry.”

---

Steve rubbed her arm once they were settled on the couch and he pulled his legs up a little so he could turn and face her more, being more open to her rather than just giving her his side. He looked down at her. It would take a few days to get over the initial shock, and weeks for the lingering thoughts, but it would stay for many years if not life with her. He hated that she had to go through that. She was not raised like Peggy, in the army or anything, she saved lives in a different manner, she didn’t take. She was strong in her own way.
“I have a few hours, it’s the most I can do right now for you,” He replied softly, not wanting to go back to the base in all honesty. There was just more work there, more painful hours thinking about Bucky.
How did he deal with this? He didn’t know how to answer that. He took a moment to think about it before answering. “I think of the people I can save, I think of the people who still need saving. Things I do I only do for a greater good, because out there someone needed my help, someone needed me to do the thing I did so that they could live a better life.” He hoped it makes sense to her. “It’s not pretty, it’s hard to know you’ve done wrong things, but I don’t have the luxury to linger on every battle wound I inflict. I have to keep going.” He rubbed her arm a little more and shook his head. “No, don’t. Fury will figure something out. You acted in defense.” He leaned in and he couldn’t stop himself, giving the top of her head a small kiss, “We will figure something out, once this is all over.”

Bucky was pleased that he did remember her, it wasn’t much but to him it was a lot. He hadn’t gotten far with taking his shirt off before she stopped him, her small hand grabbed his shirt and pulled it back down. But in the progress of that action, she had lost her balance and needed to use her other hand to try and steady herself. It didn’t work but Bucky didn’t mind, her hands brushed over his stomach and leg before her face planted into his chest. He didn’t know what to do, he knew that she was still feeling the cold. She had been rubbing her knees to keep herself warm, something in him was telling him to do more. But if she didn’t want his shirt and he didn’t have a jacket, what else could he do? He didn’t want to tell her to go inside, she had been there first and she wasn’t running away from him so she didn’t want to head inside just yet. So he slowly wrapped his good arm around her shoulders, he moved slow as to not startle her or make her think that he was going to try and kill her.
“Is that better? Are you getting warmer?” He asked her quietly now that she was closer to him, although her body was tense and he wasn’t relaxed either. If this made her uncomfortable then he would take his arm away and he wouldn’t try it again, but this seemed like something that normal people would do with someone else. Of course he could be completely wrong, but she wasn’t screaming and pushing him away so that had to be a good sign.

---

A few hours would have to be enough for now, he was still in hiding after all and he was risking a lot to be there. Grace listened to what he was telling her and it did make sense to her. She could think about the next lives that she saved and the lives that she has already saved, she did that whenever she had a bad day anyway. It wouldn’t take away from what she did earlier that day, but it would help her with dealing with it all. “I can do that, I’ve saved lives.” She told him as she rested her head on his chest again and curled up against his body, just being held made her feel so much better. Having strong arms wrapped around her, holding her tight gave her comfort. He made her believe that she would be able to get through this, she didn’t believe it right now but she would once she moved pass the shock and grief that she was currently feeling. She would do what he said, she’d let Fury handle this and hope for the best. “Thank you for coming back,” She whispered to him as he didn’t have much spare time lately, Bucky was taking up all his time so it meant a lot to Grace that he was there with her. Even if it was for a few hours, it was better than nothing.
“Did Natasha tell you what I found out? That HYDRA should have their base on the West side of the city, a friend owed me a favour. She didn’t tell anyone else and I’ve only told Natasha,” She told him unsure if Natasha had passed on her information to him, but talking about other things was keeping her mind occupied and off of what happened. She also didn’t mind talking about Bucky, it would give her something to focus on even if she couldn’t do any more for Steve.

Ari was still in the process of getting up and recovering from the sight of a well muscled torso when his arm went around her. For a moment she thought he assumed she was attacking him and was now going to crush her but when she felt his arm rest lightly around her, she realised that was not the case. He put an arm around her, and that was all to it. It was a really firm arm, nice and strong. She straightened but didn't move away, adjusting so that she stayed put in her small Barnes-formed nook between his body and the heat it radiated, and his good arm. Her hands still tingled, and she was well aware of everything she had felt where they landed, that being form adrenaline or purely observant she didn't really know, but she certainly didn't mind it.
Within a few minutes, her coat was much warmer, and although her feet begged for warmer shoes, in all she felt a lot warmer. And happier.
"Yes," she replied and sneaked a peek up at him before looking down again and hiding her pink cheeks in her coat's collar. She was thankful for the dark, he didn't get to see her flushed state of being. But it was warm, and cosy here, and she would like to stay a little longer. She closed her eyes, her head lightly tilting too rest on his side. "You're so warm," she murmured softly, and almost wished she didn't say that. Such a weird thing to say! With a soft hum she sank a little more into her coat, edging closer to him. Ari looked up at the sky for a while longer, then peeked over at Barnes again. "What else do you remember?"

---

Steve looked across the room, zoning into his own thoughts for a while as he watched the curtains flap a little and the city lights flicker behind. Such a calm night, so quiet, with only the usual city noises going on. If only it was like this every night, peaceful, and the day.
He looked down a little when she thanked him and smiled softly, again giving her upper arm a small rub. "I couldn't not come back, I wanted to make sure you were okay." If anything had happened to her while he was away simply because they left her and someone followed, he wouldn't have lived with himself as well. He was so very glad that she was safe. She was becoming important to him, and that meant this time he would protect better, stronger, be closer. He was given a rare third chance, he wouldn't let that slip.
"No… Natasha mentioned she had something useful to tell me, but we didn't have the time." He listened to her, already mapping out the location. It was quite far from the base he currently spent time in. It would require a lot of preparation. It would take a lot of time and personnel. They couldn't storm the HYDRA base with just him, Natasha and Anthony. That would be suicidal, no matter their powers.
"I see." He fell into deep thought for a moment, then added softly, "Thank you. It means a lot to me." It was a step closer to Bucky, a chance closer to saving him. But in saving him, he wanted to make are he didn't lose Grace either. "Just promise me one thing. If you ever see him, Bucky, the Winter Soldier… He has a metal arm, it's not hard to miss. Please, run the other way." Steve remembered how the man, his once best friend, threw the shield back at him like it was nothing. Fought with him on the bridge like they were equals. This Bucky was strong and dangerous, and he didn't remember anything…

Bucky felt Aria’s body move, at first he thought she was moving away from him and was preparing to remove his arm. But she did the opposite, she leaned against his side and it did feel nice. He couldn’t remember the last time he had this sort of contact with another person, it was either a very long time ago or his mind had been wiped too many times that he just couldn’t remember that memory. He assumed that it was the first option, because who would honestly want to be this close to an assassin like him. But maybe it didn’t matter to her as much is it did to others, a small part of him did hope that who he was didn’t bother her. “I am?” He never thought that he would be that warm, he assumed that because his emotions were so cold then that would reflect in every aspect of him. He sat there with his arm around her body, his eyes watching the stars sparkle in the dark sky.
At her question he glanced down at her, he told about it and realised that he didn’t remember much. “Not all the much, I remember my mission. No faces or names, just the fight and escaping. I do remember that my task stood there and I had my gun pointed at him, but I left and I don’t know why. I could have killed him then, but I didn’t.” He explained to her as she could help, he wasn’t sure how much she’d know about his missions. She wasn’t on the medical team, so she was probably kept in the dark like most agents in HYDRA. “I hate it when they do this to me, the pain and not remembering what I did that day or the days before. I always feel lost,” Bucky spoke softly, he hadn’t told anyone that before as he didn’t trust anyone enough.

---

Grace could easily stay in that position with Steve for hours on end, hell if he let her she’d fall asleep leaning against his body. “I’ll be okay, if I think someone is watching me or following me then I’ll call someone at work.” She told him, she would have said she’d call him but she wanted to give him all the time he needed to find Bucky. Although she was certain she wouldn’t be leaving her apartment for at least a few days, she’d call in sick to work and ask for personal time off. She wasn’t good to anyone in the state that her mind was currently in, she still did have her gun close by but after shooting a person today she never wanted to hold a gun again. “I wish I could give you more or a better location, the West side is still so large and there’s plenty of places for them to hide.” She wished that she could do more to help him, so he could save his friend and start the long journey of getting the man he once knew back. Looking up at Steve she listened to what he told her about his friend, “Okay. But do you really think he’d hurt innocent people? I overheard Natasha’s story, he’s given missions. You think he’d still hurt people who aren’t his mission?” She asked looking at him, if Captain America was worried about him then maybe Bucky was as bad as what she has heard. “I’ll stay away from him,” She promised him, although the chances of her finding Bucky were slim.
“I have been thinking about Bucky though, HYDRA had to freeze him much like you were in the ice. He must get thawed whenever there’s a mission for him, that’s why he’s the age he is. And… I’ve heard about a way in which you can make the brain forget… his brain has to be getting electrocuted,” Grace didn’t know if Steve wanted to know about what could be happening to his friend, but she thought it was important for him to know so he could treat his friend the right way. Bucky would need a long time for himself to get past this, he’d never get back to his old self but there was a chance for him to not be as dangerous as he was with HYDRA controlling him.

Ari hummed in response to him. “Of course, you’re human. Humans have body heat.” She fidgeted a little then, allowing to get herself more comfortable, using his thigh as minor leverage before finally shoving her hands closer to her body to keep them warm too. She too looked at the stars a little more but her eyes were slipping shut. The warmth was lulling her. She was way too relaxed around him. Ari listened to him, and although she didn’t know the details of the mission, she had ideas of who Barnes might be talking about. His hesitation would have only worked for Steve Rogers, most likely. She didn’t tell him who that would have been, she didn’t want to risk him remembering and getting wiped so soon again. Surely it was bad for the brain.
“There must have been a reason then,” she whispered, though very softly. She rubbed her head against his side a little as looked up at him, “One day, it will be over. I hope.” She really hoped it would be over soon. She didn’t know how much longer she could handle being here, even if she didn’t have to do all this dirty work, or go through as much pain as Barnes did. She didn’t exactly like it here.
The topic hurt, and Ari didn’t want to talk about it. Both for selfish reasons, and maybe it was painful for him too, certainly his voice wasn’t light, she decided to have a switch of subject. “Did you try out the plum?” She asked after a moment of silence, peeking up at him again before looking away at the forest again. “I got the ripest ones I could find.”

---

That reminded him. He slipped his free hand into his jacket’s pocket and pulled out a small device. He gave it to her. “Here. If you ever are under attack, or something, press that button – we’ll get the coordinates and come.” Steve knew that this was super selective, unfair for all the workers of SHIELD, but he wasn’t close to them, they were – in his mind – less likely to be used to gather information from him. But she was with him a lot recently, if Natasha was starting to hint on it then other people might have picked it up on it too. Always better be safe than sorry.
“The West is already not the other three directions, you’ve cut work for us down a lot already.” He replied softly, falling quietly when she started to ask about Bucky again. No, he wanted to say. Bucky wouldn’t do that, he wouldn’t hurt innocent people. That is, the Bucky Steve knew. But this was a different Bucky. “He might not be ordered to them, but,” he paused, remembering how carelessly HYDRA and the Winter Soldier had shot their guns around back when Steve, Natasha and Anthony were attacked, “If you’re in the way, in the current state he is he wouldn’t care.” The thought alone dampened his spirits. Steve smiled softly as she promised and rubbed her arm again, “Stay away but let me know, yeah?” He looked down at her, attempting a small smile to ease the mood.
Though it didn’t last long. Her idea was valid. He didn’t know much about biology, he didn’t even know much about how he had managed to freeze and be thawed but if it worked for him, then it would have worked for Bucky. “That explains his multiple assassinations over the years,” Steve added. Stiffening at the mention of electrocution, he looked ahead. Pain. Bucky would be in so much pain. He didn’t even need to ask if it would be painful, somehow he doubted electrocution would be painless. All this lit an angry fire inside Steve. With his free hand, careful to not hurt Grace this time, he gripped the edge of the couch but out of sight from her. Damn HYDRA. He’d make them pay. “It’s not reversible, is it?” He asked, fearing he already knew the answer.

Maybe there was a reason, although the reason was lost on Bucky but it could come to him one day. Letting her get more comfort where she sat, he looked down at her and noticed how her eyes would fall shut before she’d open them again quickly like she was keeping herself awake. “I haven’t, no not yet. I was saving the plum,” He looked back out at the surrounding forest, he was saving the plum but he didn’t know if he should even eat it. He could keep it as a reminder that she’s there and somewhat cares for him, but then the plum would go back and he wouldn’t be able to keep it any longer. “I do like plums, thank you for giving one to me. I’m not used to all of this, people actually being nice to me and not avoiding me.” He admitted to her, he’s never been this open with anyone before but he had a feeling that Aria wasn’t going to betray him. He was pretty certain that she would be able to betray anyone, she wasn’t that kind of person. For someone who worked in HYDRA, she wasn’t cold hearted or evil like other people in the base. It was obvious for anyone to see that if they paid close enough attention to her.
“You’re getting tired, you should get some sleep.” He told her quietly so he didn’t ruin the stillness of the night, but he also didn’t want her to be tired or risk her falling asleep. He had no idea where her room was and he’d feel bad if he had to wake her up, also there was a chance she’d get sick if she stayed out in the cold for much longer. He never seemed to get sick, so he didn’t worry about himself but she was more human than he was.

---

Grace took the device into her hands and looked it over, she knew that Steve shouldn’t be getting this to her. But she was glad that he did, because anything could happen and she didn’t know how to protect herself. She had trained with Natasha twice before, but she never enjoyed it and didn’t really learn all that much. She wasn’t a fighter, she didn’t want to hurt someone even if they were coming after her. It was just how she was and she didn’t see herself changing. “Thank you, I’ll keep it on me at all time.” She would as it would make her feel better and safer, all she had to do was press a button and help would be on the way. Listening to what Steve said to her, it was the answer that she had been expecting. If Bucky had been found the day that he fell from the train, then he’s been the Winter Soldier for a very long time and that meant HYDRA has been controlling him for all that time. He would be used to how they treated him, it would be very hard to break that. It was normal to Bucky, to be controlled and kill people that he didn’t know anything about. “I wouldn’t see him and not tell you,” She told him as a small smile formed across her face, before it vanished when Steve asked her a question that she didn’t want to answer.
“It’s not reversible,” She spoke softly as she looked up at him, “But I do know of a doctor who is in prison because he did this to three of his patients. It happened years ago and he thought it was a treatment for something, but I did hear about what happened to the patients. They each had strong loved ones who took care of them, eventually they did get better. Whatever the doctor did to them, was forgotten but it took years.” Grace told him as she studied his face, he wouldn’t give up on Bucky so the soldiers mind could slowly get back to how he was. She wanted to give Steve some hope, his friend could be saved. She was certain of that. “Good thing he has such a good but stubborn friend,” She looked at him as she was feeling better, now that her mind wasn’t focused on what went down a few hours ago.

Ari found it was cute that he was saving the plum, grinned some but lightly poked his side. “You should eat tonight at least. It’ll go bad. Then it won’t be nice.” She looked up at him again and studied his face once more. The light in his eyes was quite pretty. He had a nice jawline. She looked away. “HYDRA isn’t a nice people place. Don’t expect it from anyone else.” No, not even her. If she were an angel she wouldn’t design guns that killed people, she wouldn’t make jets that flew like ghosts in the night. They all had some sin.
On his note, she yawned, covering her mouth a little and with a murmur of agreement and some reluctance, shifted to sit up and pulled away from him and the warmth he gave. She stood and lifted her feet up behind her a few times to get some warmth back into her legs. Ari lifted her small satchel bag and placed her book back inside then catching sight of Barnes’ metal arm, held out her hand gesturing to it and glancing over at him. “May I take a quick look, I’ve wanted to see it up close…” She bit her lip. She wanted to toy with it for a while, wanted to take it apart and see the mechanics, none of which she would do now – that would get her into a lot of trouble – but at least she could have a feel of, and tease her curiosity some more.

---

Steve relaxed. One way to keep her safer. However, he answer to his question was as he feared. Not reversible. The Bucky he knew would be gone, for forever even possibly. Though as she explained, some hope returned. Maybe, somehow, with enough time and patience and help, Steve could help Bucky remember things. It would be easier, it would be better for both of them. And although Steve would painfully miss the old Bucky, he couldn’t let selfish wants get in the way. This is for Bucky, to bring Bucky back restore him and give him a good life, whether he remembers Steve or not. Nobody should ever be in his position. Ever.
Steve closed his eyes and let her words sink in. Small hope, but hope none the less. That was enough. He saved Bucky from the clutches of HYDRA with no evidence of Bucky’s survival and a small bit of hope and he could do it again. He would try, or die trying.
Steve laughed softly as she called him stubborn, “I guess to him I haven’t changed.” His phone buzzed quietly and he frowned, pulling it out. “I…” he frowned at the screen, reading Natasha’s message, “I have to go. They have something.” He looked at Grace apologetically. “I’m sorry, I said I’d stay longer but-“ he rubbed the bridge of his nose and slowly started to stand. Looking to the window then another, he decided it was best to come out the same way – if someone were following him they would know he left and wouldn’t bother Grace.

Aria had a good point, HYDRA wasn’t a place for nice people. He didn’t know if there was anyone nice in the company, apart from Aria that is but she’s the only nice person that he has met there. He didn’t have any hope in finding another nice person, he knew he wouldn’t be that lucky again. “I’ll eat the plum tonight,” He told her as it was just waiting in his room for him, it would be a nice treat before he turned in the night. He looked at her and studied her face, he was curious as to what she was really doing in HYDRA. Everyone there held secrets close to their chests, no one was innocent there. But what could have she done in her life that would have made her want to work in a company such as HYDRA, he did want to ask but thought that might be pushing it a bit too far. That could wait, as long as his mind wasn’t wiped before he could get the chance to ask her. He watched as she stood up before turning to him and glancing down at his metal arm, “Of course.” He stood up to his feet and held out his metal arm.
He usually didn’t let anyone touch his arm but the doctors there, although he didn’t want to say no to Aria when she has been nothing but nice to him. He kept his eyes on her face as she studied his arm, where the metal overlapped and how his wrist and elbow twisted much like a normal human arm. Glancing down he watched as her fingers moved over the cool metal and he desperately wished that he could feel her fingers, feel the warmth and the softness of her skin. But he never would feel that on his metal arm, but at least he only had one metal arm and not two. “You could speak with the doctor, if you wanted a different job.” He suggested as she did look fascinated by his arm, he didn’t know if the doctor would take Aria onto his team but Bucky wouldn’t mind.

---

Grace sighed softly when she heard Steve’s phone buzz, she knew it was time for him to leave. Moving away from him, she wished that he didn’t need to leave but knew that if Natasha texted him then it was important. “No, it’s fine really. I’ll see you whenever you get the time, be safe out there.” She looked at him as she kept a brave face, when she was freaking out in fear on the inside. When he left she wouldn’t have anyone to keep her mind off of what she did that day, she was scared that if she couldn’t handle it she wouldn’t have anyone there. Standing up she gave Steve a quick hug before she stepped back, so he could climb back out the window and get himself back to wherever he was hiding. Nerves made her stomach twist into knots as she didn’t want to be alone right now, but she couldn’t ask him to stay. He had work to do, he needed to find Bucky as soon as possible and she wouldn’t hold him back just because she was upset.
Watching as he climbed through the window before she closed it and locked it again, shutting the curtains and slowly heading back to her bedroom. She hadn’t bothered making dinner as she didn’t want to eat, she probably couldn’t stomach anything right now and although she was tired she couldn’t fall asleep. Her mind was racing and the guilt she felt was keeping her awake, she wanted someone to hold her. To rub her back or play with her hair, no words needed to be spoken but to just have someone else there was all she wanted. Steve had been that person until he left, she knew that she should be strong in herself and she normally was. But right now she was a wreak.

Aria took his arm when he held it out, and traced every line, and bent some fingers, bent his elbow. She stared at it with wide curious eyes. At one point, she stepped closer and put her ear to the metal of the upper arm half, listening to whatever she could hear inside as she moved his arm up and down at the elbow. She felt for the heat of the mechanism but the cooling system and the night air made it impossible to detect. “Oh, no, that is too advanced for me,” she replied softly, pulling her head away from the upper half of his arm and getting up on her tippy toes to peek under the sleeve where it joined his shoulder. Horrible scars, horrible experiments. Her fingers brushed over where the metal joined his skin to get a feel of the attachment before she pulled her hand away. “Maybe in twenty years.” She chuckled and stepped back, letting go off his metal arm unwillingly. “It’s a whole different field too. I do driving force mechanisms. Turbo jets, firing power, that sort of thing. Not arms.” She blinked at the shiny metal and then up at him.
Feeling a small smile come across her lips, she hid her mouth behind the tall collar of her coat and looked away. “Do you know when your next mission is?” She asked, wondering how long she would have until they would probably wipe him again and then they would start all over, again, as before, as always. And she wondered if he had more free time, to spend like they did now. It was nice. Maybe she could play with and examine his arm a little more.

---

Steve was out the window and down in the alleys within seconds. He looked around then, made sure nobody was following and with his hood over his face, he headed along the roads, quick and swift. He had seen nobody, but he was so unaware of the shadow that snuck behind him.
What the hell were they doing in there? Luka inwardly scowled, creeping after Steve. Over an hour, at least. He had lost track of time. His feet were numb, his fingers numb, the curtains closed and lights off and- Luka didn’t even know what he felt. He didn’t know if it was pure curiosity to know what they were doing for his HYDRA spying purposes or if it was something more. After all, she was the one who broke it off, so he still had some minor feelings. It were these feelings exactly that made him return after he lost Steve to a helicopter.
Finding a way into her apartment was easy. Whether she liked it or not, he had the keys to her door still – not given by her, but expertly custom made for her lock. Quietly, stealthily, soundlessly he crept in to her apartment, made sure the door was locked behind him. It clicked quietly. He listened. Not a sound. She was alone. He didn’t waste time. Luka walked right into the room and stopped at the doorway. He didn’t turn the light on, that would hurt both their eyes and feast a scene for anyone creeping, just as Steve had refused to have the lights on for security purposes.
“Grace.” He said firmly, his eyes lightly narrowed. “What the fuck.”
It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. He strode forward into the light of the lamp and glared at her but his eyes were flickering between anger and worry. He tried to keep his voice firm but it shook. He could feel his heart racing. “Are you insane?! With him? At this time?” At this time of the week, when Rogers was wanted, when HYDRA was after him, when SHIELD had abandoned him. Also this time of night, when couples tend to explore but Luka tried not to focus on that. But then his face changed and the expression became softer. His shoulders dropped. She was okay. She was alive. His hand covered his eyes, slid down his face until it again revealed his eyes but covered the lower half of his face, a gesture he only ever did when he was genuinely stressed over something.

Bucky stood there letting Ari move his arm in whichever way she wanted, no one had been this interested in his arm before. He didn’t mind it, she looked to be enjoying herself. “It’s not advanced if you were taught about it,” He told her quietly as he continued to watch her, the look in her eyes told him that she could learn about the mechanics in his arm. Although he’d bring that up at another time, “People change fields all the time. It’s not that uncommon,” He told her simply as it was true, if she was smart enough to design a jet and a gun then she was more than smart enough to build things like his arm. He watched as she moved further up his arm, pressing her ear to his arm like she was trying to hear what was inside the arm. Then her fingers brushed over the join, where the metal connected with his shoulder. He did feel the warmth of her fingers this time, it felt really nice but she pulled back much to quickly for his liking and a second later the warmth was gone. “I haven’t been told anything yet, but after what happened then the next mission won’t be far behind. It’s why they didn’t freeze me again,” He told her what his opinion was anyway, he couldn’t be certain what HYDRA had planned for him.
But that’s usually how things went, if he wasn’t frozen after a mission then it meant there was another one just around the corner. He didn’t really like this way, missions did take a lot out of him so he’d rather get frozen just to take a break from fighting. Although when he wasn’t frozen it meant he got to spend more time in the world, see what was changing with the times and experience the new world that he had been thrown into when he was first thawed out once his body had healed from whatever made him lose his arm. “I wouldn’t mind spending more time with you, this has been nice. But only if you have the time,” He looked at her as he spoke, he didn’t want to waste her time but he would like to get to know her better.

---

Grace had been laying on her bed and she didn’t hear a single thing, not until Luka’s voice hit her ears and he was suddenly standing in her doorway. How did people continue to sneak into her apartment? She jumped out of being startled as her heart raced in her chest from getting scared, looking at him she didn’t say a thing. She listened to Luka’s words and knew that he must have been following Steve, it made sense really that HYDRA would be able to find him so quickly and easily. But if Luka knew that Steve was there at her apartment with her, then who was he going to tell? “We were just talking, Luka.” She whispered to him once he had stopped, his hand ran down his face and stayed to cover the lower part of his face. He was stressed and worried about something, or about her. Her emotions seemed to calm and heighten at the same time, seeing Luka calmed her down but still made her feel worse. Luka could know the man that she shot, she wasn’t sure if he had heard about the HYDRA agent yet. But things were getting too much for her, he had seen her cry before and seeing him set her off. It could have been him who she killed, he could have easily been there among the fighting in the street.
“Your HYDRA… Luka, why are you with them?” Tears rolled down Grace’s cheeks as she sat up on her bed and looked at him, the light from the lamp hit his handsome face in the perfect way. “I just wanted to hurt him, I’m so sorry.” She couldn’t bring herself to say it, she killed a person. The words were on the tip of her tongue but wouldn’t come out, she didn’t even know if he understood what she said as sobs racked her chest.