a good man.

James Buchanan Barnes. He stared at the wall ahead of him, sighing softly. Even now, a couple years since everything with HYDRA had gone down, it still seemed to be disconnected. Steve was Steve. Marlene was Marlene. James Buchanan Barnes was... Unsure. It was getting better, though. He didn't feel a sickening ache in his chest whenever Steve would call him Bucky. The guilt was sticking around pretty strong, though. But then again, he had a feeling that he would just learn to live with that. His fingers drummed against the mattress, his mind replaying the events that had happened over the last couple of weeks. Steve and Marlene finding him. The fight against the prick Stark and everyone else. Everyone else hadn't seemed so bad. And Stark was just... Angry didn't even begin to cut it. He felt a yearning for the hazy time before the war. His memories were harder to recall, but some managed to surface. A brief glimpse of a Ferris Wheel. A baseball game that they went to - the teams were on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't remember. He got up with a sigh, heading towards the door. Trying to remember felt more like digging himself into a whole than anything else. He stepped into the hallway, walking blindly until he found a large window that showed the jungle before him. He ran his fingers through his hair, sighing softly. If it wasn't for him, they wouldn't have to hide out like criminals. Well, as criminals. He'd dragged them into this, and he needed to figure out a way to make things right.

---

There had been rumor of the Winter Soldier, urban legends that had been floating around for as long as she could remember. It'd first started with her father, who'd been an agent in SHIELD. He'd retired just before she was born (he called it retirement, the government called it dishonorable discharge) and he'd regaled her with stories of the mysterious assassin. Fast-forward to her work with Bruce Banner, and having been around the occasional agent had resulted in even more fantastical stories on the person. But then everything had started to spiral out of control. HYDRA had taken over - no - was in SHIELD. Friends that she'd relied on for ages had turned against their fellow man. She and Bruce had disappeared, although that quickly turned into her disappearing with the serum notes because Bruce was needed. So she'd been on the run for close a month, holed up in some crappy hotel room in Thailand. She glanced around, tugging her hood over hair before slipping her backpack over her shoulders. She took the steps two at a time, dropping her room key on the desk before stepping out into the arid afternoon. Charlotte eased into the crowd, holding the straps tight to her chest. It was time to disappear. Again.

[hope this was alright!]

Helping Steve look for Bucky had been a no-brainer for Marlene. The day that the soldiers had shown up at his mother's apartment was the day that her whole world had come crashing down around her. She should have tried moving on like the other countless women who had lost someone during the war but she simply couldn't bring herself to do that. They were supposed to get married when he came back. They were supposed to start a family and be happy. All Marlene ended up getting out of it was pure loneliness. That was why she'd volunteered for the series of experiments the SSR were conducting at the time. They hadn't offered too much information at the time, and she knew that she would have likely been scolded by both Steve and Bucky for doing something so rash and stupid, but it had kept her busy. And she was one of the only successful test subjects anyway. The replication of the super soldier serum had worked. There were slight differences, ones that Marlene wouldn't discover until later on, but all of the main ones were there. Strength, agility, etc. It wasn't until twenty years had gone by and she still didn't look a day over twenty-five that she realized the true impact the serum had had on her.

When they found Steve in the ice it had come as a shock. But when Steve came to her and explained everything, that the Winter Soldier spoken about in ghost stories between children of SHIELD agents to scare each other at late night sleepovers were true, and that he was none other than Bucky, her Bucky, she didn't hesitate to offer her services. Even if Steve hadn't wanted her getting involved she would have gotten involved. And so she did. There was no success until Bucharest though. For two long years, prior to the start of what had been dubbed as the Heroes' Civil War, she'd searched around the world for him. He hadn't wanted to be found though, and Marlene didn't know what to expect when she and Steve entered the small apartment. The one thing that she did know was that nothing could have possibly prepared her for when she saw him again for the very first time. A lot had happened since that day. She never imagined that the Avengers would be in such shambles like it was. She, Steve and Bucky been in Wakanda for a few months now. T'challa had opened up his home to them, knowing that they'd need a place to lay low for a while. Things between her and Bucky had been...complicated at best. She felt like she was walking on eggshells around him. She simply didn't know what to say around him anymore.

"Penny for your thoughts?" She offered from where she stood behind him, a small smile gracing her lips. She'd seen him walk outside, and chose to follow.

---

His mind was a jumbled mess. He didn't know what was real and what was fake anymore. He only knew what he'd read about in that museum, and that he still had a mission to complete. Prior to receiving his mission of disposing of Captain America and his friends in DC he'd been assigned another one as well. It had been put on the back burner when a larger threat had been realized, however, it was still there in the back of his mind. Charlotte Ainsworth. She was a scientist who worked closely with Doctor Bruce Banner for quite a while. A great deal of her research dealt with Asgard, and she'd been seen as a threat towards Hydra. That was always when he was sent out, whenever anyone or anything seemed to pose a major threat towards the organization. To complete their dirty work. He thought bitterly to himself.

He wasn't that man anymore. He didn't kill anymore. Not for Hydra. But getting around his programming was easier said than done. It all still plagued his every thought and movement. That was what brought him to Thailand. It was his way of getting around the programming that he'd been instilled with for seventy some-odd years now. She was his mission, but he wouldn't kill her. He'd find her, and he had found her. He just didn't know what he'd do from there. He supposed he'd find out soon enough. He'd located her hideout, an apartment in a discreet, somewhat decrepit-looking, apartment building. He'd tracked her there two days prior, and he'd been scoping the place out since then. She'd just exited the apartment, and once she seemingly disappeared into the crowd, he moved out of the shadows and followed behind her.

There were footsteps behind him. It took him less than a second to figure out who it was. Steve walked with this smooth gait, his footsteps making small thuds when they would hit the ground. T'challa was harder to pin. He was as as silent as, well, a panther in the jungle. Marlene was the easiest. Even back before everything had happened, back when they'd first met, it was like every nerve was on fire when she'd enter a room. He wouldn't even have to look straight at her. He might see a flash of her out of the corner of his eye, and suddenly it felt as though every single nerve ending was on high alert. Now, everything was different. His senses were heightened enough that he didn't even have to turn around to know that she was approaching him. He let his eyes slip shut for a moment, listening to her soft footfalls. His mouth went dry, the sudden ache welling up in his chest. There had been flashes over the years, lapses in his brainwashing when he'd suddenly see her face. They wouldn't last for very long, a day or so before they were wiping him over and over.

She was stubborn, though. Always popping up no matter what.

"Hmm?" He hummed, turning around. "I - Uh - Nothing. Nothing important, anyways," he said, shrugging his shoulders. His mouth felt dry. His tongue felt thick. The ache that was in his chest was a little less than it had been the day that he'd remembered just what was supposed to happen between them. Things had been blurry, but the second that had surfaced, it was as sharp and as clear as glass. "Just thinking over what needs to happen next with everything. What, uh, what are you up to?"

---

Charlotte turned over Bruce's words in her mind, the conversation they'd had just before he'd headed back to New York. She'd started to laugh off his words about the Winter Soldier, but after everything that had passed, she'd paused. A week before that conversation she hadn't thought that she would be on the run from the men and women that had been her friends, and now was off on her own. The whole idea that the Winter Soldier could be after her was a bit insane, but at the same time, there was always that possibility. With those thoughts in her head, she weaved in and out of the crowd. There was this weird feeling in the pit of her stomach. The usual ball of nerves was there, but this was different. She glanced behind her, but that didn't help at all. There was just a huge throng of people. Nothing out of the ordinary.

She picked up her pace, the crowd starting to thin. Her eyes darted back and forth, watching. There was a group of police officers lingering around the edge of the market. She still wasn't sure if her face had been plastered on the news yet (Bruce had warned her about that too, something about becoming a wanted fugitive), but she didn't want to take that chance. She made a right into the next alleyway, the sudden crowd of people changing into a rather tight fit, with all the garbage cans - and garbage - lying around. She stepped around a suspicious looking puddle, hurrying up enough so she could slip behind a dumpster. She crouched down, pressing her back up against the wall. It might just be paranoia, but she figured hiding out for a couple of seconds would and being wrong would be better than finding out some guy was following her.

Reading him used to be so easy. He'd been like an open book to her, never once hiding a single thing from her, but that had changed. Marlene couldn't read him as well as she used to. Heightened senses could only do so much. She supposed there was a great deal he didn't want to talk about, and she respected that, it was just hard. She never knew what to make of his words or his actions anymore. She always thought twice about what she was going to say before speaking to him. It was more like walking on broken glass than eggshells. She just never really knew what to say to him anymore. She knew that he remembered her enough, but she didn't know the full extent of it, and she didn't want to force him to talk to her about anything if he didn't want to, so she didn't really say much about their past. Steve would on occasion, usually a comment here or a comment there, but all that did was make things tense and awkward. So, she never once brought any of it up.

"I'm sure it isn't nothing." She said before she could even really process what he'd just said. It was a knee-jerk response. She could tell that his mind was reeling, and she'd been able to detect a hint of sadness and pain in his eyes. She didn't know what he was thinking about, but whatever it was had clearly been keeping him busy. "Don't worry too much about all of that. T'Challa said we could stay as long as we needed to." Something told her that he wasn't necessarily talking about the civil war and basically being a fugitive though. The sadness in his eyes depicted something more. "I was gonna go bug Steve for a little while, I saw you walk out here though. It's nice, isn't it? Peaceful." She moved a little bit closer towards the edge of the cliff, which offered a perfect view of the jungle below and took a seat, pulling her knees up to her chest as she did so.

---

Truthfully, he didn't quite know what he was going to do once he caught up to her. Normally he would have formulated some sort of a plan in preparation for the mission, but that was the soldier. The soldier might have still been a part of him, but so was the man that he used to be. His lack of planning might seem sloppy to the soldier, but the man that he used to be saw it as a slap in the face to Hydra. They'd done this to him. They'd made him think that what he was doing was right, and a part of him still didn't really know whether it was right or if it was wrong, it was hard to tell the difference when he still didn't really even know who he was, but he knew enough to know that he wouldn't be doing that anymore. He didn't know what he'd do once he reached the Ainsworth girl, all he knew was that he wouldn't kill her. He wouldn't do what Hydra wanted him to do any longer. He wasn't that man anymore. He might not be the carefree man that he used to be, but he wasn't fully Hydra's perfect little soldier any longer either.

He still had a visual on her as the crowd began to dissipate. He hung far enough back though as to not get spotted. He wanted her to know that she was followed, he just didn't want her to know who was following her just yet. If she knew just as much about him as he assumed that she did, she was close with Doctor Banner and Banner was good friends with Steve, then he knew she'd probably recognize him and likely think the worst the moment that she did. He wouldn't lose her. He might not complete the mission, but he wasn't about to lose sight of her just yet either.

After waiting a short amount of time, he started down the alleyway she'd scurried down moments earlier. He no longer had a visual, but he knew that she was there. The alleyway was a dead end, and he doubted she could scale the walls of the surrounding buildings with what little she appeared to have on her, so she was there. He knew that she was. He took a moment to take in his surroundings before he started towards the dumpster. His steps were careful, calculated even, but they weren't silent. He wanted her to know that he was there.

Bucky took a deep breath in. He could do this. He could handle this. He could definitely handle this. He could handle talking to her and not feeling as though his chest was going to explode with guilt and shame. He clenched his metal hand - or moved to, anyway. He kept forgetting that it was gone. "I - You..." His voice trailed off. He could talk to Steve. He could talk to Steve about their past, about things that he remembered. About something stupid that he had seen on the television. But with Marlene, it felt like there was a wall. He chalked it up to the fact that he knew that they had planned on getting married and he could hardly remember a thing about her. "Uh, yeah. It's nice." He grunted out.

He hesitated for a moment before moving to sit beside her. His heart was pounding in his chest. "Are you and Steve going to stay here for awhile?" He questioned, his voice low. It was still a little gravelly, the disuse over the years obvious whenever he spoke for more than a couple of words. He looked down at the jungle below them, watching as the foliage swayed gently. It was going to rain soon. The air was hot and thick, promising a downpour within the next hour. Probably sooner. He wanted to continue on, to say that he was thinking of being put back under until they figured out how to rid him of his brainwashing for good. He'd brought it up to Steve, who had almost immediately shot it down. But what Steve didn't know was that he'd already brought it up to the doctors, who'd said that they could get a chamber up and ready at his word. The idea of leaving Steve and Marlene behind made his chest ache even more, but it was for the best. What would happen if someone else got a hold of it and used it against them? He'd never forgive himself.

"Did, uh, did Steve tell you about earlier? 'Bout what we talked about?"

---

Charlotte was almost one hundred percent positive that there was something sticky dripping down her jacket. When she shifted, the fabric of her jacket was sticking to the brick of the wall. She went to pull away, hoping that whatever it was wouldn't get under her jacket when she heard it. Footsteps. Well shit. There was someone following her. She shoved herself farther into the corner, her mind racing. She knew how to handle a gun. She could - nope. She'd ditched it before Thailand. The security had been too strict. She wasn't strong enough or skilled enough to fight off an agent - they'd kill her in no time and take the serum and the notes. She could run down the alley way. She turned her head. Nope. Dead end. Bruce had once told her that she needed to pay more attention to her surroundings and less on what was going on in her head. Turns out he was right.

So she was going to die. Most likely. But that didn't mean that she couldn't deter the science. "Don't move another step," she called out. Her voice was shaking. She needed to be strong. "One more step and everything you want goes up in flames." There, her voice was a little stronger. She let her eyes shut for a moment, deep breath in. She could do this. She was probably going to die, but she could do this. She swung her backpack around, unzipping the top before fishing a lighter out. Charlotte stood up, her hands trembling as she flicked the lighter, the flame sputtering out. "One more step and research burns, you under-" She cut herself off, her eyes wide. She'd seen the exhibit. Hell, she'd learned about him in her history classes and just from hearing Steve talk. "I - You - One move, Barnes, and I burn it." Okay, so it didn't matter. She was definitely going to die. There was no way she could fight him off. She held the lighter over the backpack. "Just leave me alone." Her voice cracked a little. "Please."

Marlene looked to him expectingly, an expression of curiosity written across her face as she waited for him to continue. He didn't though. She didn't know what he was going to say to her, but, whatever it was, he cut himself off before he could actually say it. That was always a bit frustrating. She'd overheard full blown conversations between him and Steve. She knew how close the two had been, it just hurt knowing that he seemed to shut her out more than he did Steve. She tried not to let it get to her though. Steve had told her not to take any of it personally, he'd just been through a great deal over the years and needed time, but it was proving to be even more challenging than she possibly could have ever imagined.

She let out a soft hum, acknowledging that she'd heard him, though she didn't say anything. She remained silent, cerulean eyes trained on the expanse of jungle below as he took a seat beside her. That was probably the closest he'd been to her in weeks. "We're not needed elsewhere." She told him, her gaze shifting over to him and away from the land below. Even if she was needed elsewhere, she wouldn't leave Wakanda. She'd been searching for him for two years, and seventy years had gone by prior to that where she'd thought he was dead. She wasn't leaving him. She couldn't bring herself to.

"He hasn't mentioned anything to me, no. Why? What did you two talk about?"

---

Having a plan probably would have been for the best, but he wasn't after what Hydra had tasked him with retrieving. He had no use for whatever serum she had in her possession and, unless she gave him good reason to, he had no reason to harm her in any such way. He knew that she would probably jump to conclusion the moment she saw him, he didn't expect anything less, but he didn't do any of what everyone associated the soldier with anymore. He wouldn't be the fist of Hydra any longer. He would never go back to doing any of that ever again.

He paused, only briefly, when her voice rang out. The tremor behind it made her fear oh so evident, but it was also pretty damn clear that she still had no idea who had been following her either. She probably thought it was some creep who had spotted her on the streets or something. He'd much rather be associated with a reputation like that than the one that he'd built for himself over the years. And when she stood up, the wide-eyed expression on her face said it all. She recognized him. If she recognized him, then it was just as he'd suspected. Steve had spoken of him before, and with his face throughout the exhibit he wouldn't have been surprised if she'd heard of him outside of that. He'd been painted as a war hero, but that was the last thing he saw himself as. He was the farthest from being a hero. "They wanted the serum and you dead." He said, still keeping the small distance between them. "Why?"

"Oh." He had thought that Steve had told her about this. He'd always figured that Steve had been relaying every conversation to her since Bucky couldn't talk to her himself. He risked a glance in her direction, his heart thumping whenever his gaze slipped over her face. He wondered if his heart had always done that whenever he'd look at her. He jerked his head away, staring back out to the jungle. "I've been talking to the doctors," he began, his voice low. He wasn't sure what she was going to say to this. Even though he knew that it was his choice and his choice only, it kind of felt like Marlene would have a say in this. "I've been talking to the doctors and they might be able to get me one of those chambers. To, uh, to put me back under." Was this the most that he'd said to her in the last seventy plus years? He thought so. He risked another glance in her direction, taking a deep breath in so he could push the rest of the words out.

"You know I'm still brainwashed and if I'm triggered again there's no telling what I could do. What I would do to you and Steve. I don't want to risk that. And staying around here with T'challa isn't going to be doing anyone any favors. I don't - They said that they were going to find a way to fix all of this - " He motioned to his head with his hand. "But I don't know. So yeah. That might happen." And as suddenly as he'd started talking, he'd stopped. He could feel himself clamming up. His shoulders grew tense and tight, his hand clenching into a fist in his lap. There was a distant crash of thunder. They maybe had fifteen minutes until the sky opened up. "Steve said no."

---

"I thought you were more of a shoot now, ask questions never kind of guy." The words came tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop them. Her eyes widened. That was definitely the terror that was running through her veins. Or whatever word is terror times a hundred. Because at the moment she couldn't find a word that would describe the feeling as though she was going to come out of her skin any minute, the way that the hair was rising on her neck so bad that she was positive it was starting to hurt. She just stared at him, the flame sputtering out on the lighter. She fumbled for a second, flicking anxiously until it started up. Super spy, she was not. She stared at him, his question finally computing in her brain.

"Um, well," she started, taking a small step back. The longer he wanted to talk meant the longer she wasn't dying. "They want the serum because it's what turned Banner into the other guy, and what could potentially turn a bunch of Nazi Youths into super-soldiers. Like Steve. Kinda like you, but, you know, better." She wasn't sure if going into detail about how they'd probably screwed up his DNA to hell and back would be the best idea. Her hand was still shaking. "I don't know why they want me dead. But look - " She paused, taking a deep breath. She just had to be brave. "You don't want to do this. Hydra isn't going to do you any favors. They've killed a lot of people and they're going to kill a hell more if they get their hands on this. Please, Bu - Barnes. Kill me if you have to, but don't give them this. Please."

The moment he started talking, she knew that she didn't like where the conversation was going. It wasn't too hard to figure out why he would have been talking to the doctors. It wasn't hard to put two and two together, but hearing him actually say it caused a pit to form in her stomach. She felt nauseous. The thought of Bucky being put back under, even for a plausible reason like this one, caused an overwhelming feeling of dread to course through her veins. When she imagined him actually talking to her for the first time, like really talking to her like he was now, she hadn't expected this to be the topic of conversation.

She didn't like the idea one bit.

"Bucky--" She started, pausing for a moment as she tried to figure out the right way to respond to the bomb he'd just dropped on her. "After everything went down in DC, Steve came looking for me. He told me everything that had happened, showed me your file, and I knew without even thinking twice about it that I was going to look for you with him and Sam. I kept looking when they got caught up in other things." She stopped for a moment when another loud clap of thunder sounded in the distance. The storm was definitely moving closer now, but she knew that she needed to get this out there now while she had the chance. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not going anywhere. I'm not going to say no like Steve did because it's ultimately your choice, but I spent two years looking for you and I'm not leaving now."

When another clap of thunder sounded, she stood up. "We should get inside before that storm hits."

---

He wasn't that man anymore. He didn't do that kind of stuff anymore. He wasn't the soldier. That's what he kept on telling himself. He knew that it would be so simple for him to dispose of her. He could think of several different ways that would be simple enough, but he was quick to push all of that to the back of his mind. He wasn't the soldier anymore. He wasn't Bucky though either. He was somewhere in between. He might not have everything figured out yet, but he found himself remembering more and more each day, and he knew that he didn't want to be what Hydra had turned him into ever again. He wouldn't do any of that anymore. He wouldn't let it happen.

"I don't do that anymore." Was his simple response to her words. He didn't say anything after that and waited fore her to answer his questions. He remained where he'd been standing, keeping a small enough distance between them in the hopes that she'd realize he wasn't trying to pose a threat to her. He didn't want her to get the wrong idea, though her words and actions clearly proved that she already had. "I'm not going to kill you. I don't do that anymore." He repeated his earlier words.

Bucky stared at her. It felt like she'd just dropped a bomb on him. His chest was aching as she spoke. When she mentioned that she kept looking for him, it hit him like a punch to the stomach. It was a flash of memory, one he hadn't thought of before. It was just the two of them - in a kitchen? - and his hands were around her, and they were laughing. But as soon as it came, it slipped away. Nothing more, nothing less. He blinked at her a couple of times, tuning back in as she said to head back inside. Instead, he just sat there, staring at her. He'd spent decades being nothing but a mere puppet to some of the world's most demented people, and there was Marlene. Who'd never stopped. Ever. For the first time that he could remember, he just wanted to pull her towards him and hold her.

"You kept looking?" Those were the only words that would come out. Even when other things had been going on... She'd still looked? Even when everything had been going on in Sokovia? He felt something churn in his stomach. He wasn't sure if it was good or bad. A splat of rain hit his forehead and he frowned. He stood up as it started to drizzle. "You're right. We should head in," he mumbled, heading towards the door. He held it open for her watching her carefully. He wasn't sure what he should say - if anything at all.

---

"Am I supposed to trust you?" She questioned, frowning at him a little. She looked him over. He didn't really look that intimidating. He looked like some random guy on the street. "Because it kind of sounds like you were supposed to find me for Hydra and you did. So this whole not going to kill me thing isn't really trustworthy." She looked to either side of him. The alley was too narrow to sneak by him. She didn't have a gun. She didn't have any weapon. Nothing. No way to get around him. But he hadn't killed her yet. And that was something that Steve had talked about. He'd had this far-off look in his eyes when he'd talked about how Barnes hadn't even recognized him. But the key thing was that there hadn't been any talking. Just shooting. And so far, there hadn't been any shooting.

"If you don't do that anymore, then why are you here? Following a girl around Thailand doesn't sound like fun." She thought about flicking the lighter off, but decided against it. Sure, he wasn't exactly as Steve had described, but it didn't mean that he'd totally changed. Or changed at all, really. Maybe he was trying to trick her so he would get the serum and the research. She took another step back. A couple more, and she'd be up against the wall.

Maybe she shouldn't have said what she had. Maybe telling him about her constant search for him was a mistake. It was hard to gauge his reaction. All she knew was that he was staring at her, and she'd honestly never felt so insecure about anything in her life. The silence was killing her. She wanted to beg him to say something, anything really, but she didn't. Instead, she stood there and waited for him, even when it had started to drizzle, her eyes never once leaving him as she waited.

When he finally did speak, she didn't really have any time to respond before he finally acknowledged her earlier suggestion of going inside. She nodded wordlessly and headed towards the door, mustering a weak smile when he held the door open for her. "Why does it surprise you that I never stopped looking?" She blurted out once they were both inside and she'd turned to face him once more. There you go again, Davis. Opening your damn mouth without thinking.

"I'm sorry---" She started. "You don't have to answer that if you don't want to. It's just---I---I thought you were dead for seventy years. And then I found out that you weren't, and I couldn't just not do anything about it, you know?" She paused, lower lip catching between her teeth entirely due to nerves. "You were one of the most important people in my life, Bucky, and I know that you're not the same person that you used to be, I know that you don't remember much about me, about us, but you've always meant the world to me. You always will."

---

She had a good point. She probably shouldn't trust him. Hell, he didn't even know if he really trusted himself yet. He still didn't really know who he was anymore. He was confused. He knew that he didn't want to be the fist of Hydra anymore. He didn't want to hurt or kill anyone anymore, but he wasn't the carefree man shown in the exhibit either. That man had died when he fell from the train seventy some-odd years ago. He didn't know who he was now, but he did know that he was neither of those men. He didn't even know if he was somewhere in between. His head was such a jumbled mess that it was still hard to decipher whether the things that he remembered were real or fake.

"No, you're right. You shouldn't trust me." He said, shaking his head. She had every reason not to trust him right now, and when he couldn't even really trust himself how could he possibly expect her to trust him? "I don't trust me either." He admitted, a slight frown tugging at the corners of his lips. He didn't know how to respond to her later words. Truthfully, he didn't really know why he was here. Maybe it was sheer curiosity. Maybe he just wanted to know why Hydra wanted her dead in the first place. Or maybe it was a different reason entirely. Maybe it was something that he hadn't quite figured out himself just yet. "I--I don't really know." He admitted, a defeated tone in his voice. "I don't know why I'm here. I don't know what I'm doing. I just--I don't want to be him anymore."

Bucky felt like he was frozen. He couldn't move from the doorway. Why would it surprise him? Was she serious? All he could do was blink at her. He could hear the door shut behind him, but it sounded like it was a million miles away. His mouth hung open a little as he tried to search for something to say. Nothing was coming to mind. In fact, his mind had gone blank. "I - Uh - What?" The first emotion that hit him was anger. She knew about his lack of memories. She knew the general idea of what had happened to him. Decades of abuse and brainwashing would make it hard for anyone to believe that someone had been searching for them the entire time.

"C'mon, you can't just - You can't - You - " There was anger boiling just under the surface. On some level he registered that he was most likely lashing out because it was the easiest emotion to understand and act on. He still stormed past her, making it halfway down the hall before turning back around. For whatever reason, he felt this tug towards her. For as much as he wanted to storm off and go sulk back in his room, he felt like he couldn't. So instead he whirled around, walking towards Marlene until he was just a couple of steps away from her. "C'mon Mar, you know you can't just say something like that. It's not fair." He was too caught up in his head to realize that it was the first time that he'd called her by a nickname. "Do you get how frustrating it is to know that you were important to me and now I can hardly remember us being together? You can't just drop something like that on me. It's not fair."

---

He doesn't trust himself either? She tilted her head a frown tugging at her lips. What was he even on about? For the first time since she'd stepped into that alleyway, she took a small step forward. This wasn't the man that Steve had described. He'd talked of a stone cold killer, of a man that had almost no memory of who he was. But the man before her seemed almost confused. She could practically hear Bruce screaming at her as she lowered the lighter, the flame finally flickering out as she flipped the lid. She knew that this was dumb. Of course it was dumb. Odds are, he was just saying this so she wouldn't destroy everything. But there was a part of her that was quietly saying that he might be telling the truth.

"You don't want to be who anymore?" She asked, taking another step forward. This one she hadn't even realized that she'd taken. "Look, I - " She cut herself off. What was she supposed to do? He was a known assassin. The man could probably kill her with his pinky. And yet there was this look about him that told her that something was off. "You could just let me go. And we could go our separate ways. Just let it be." She glanced behind him. There was a man lingering just on the corner, glancing their way. Her heart started to race. She needed to get out of there, now. "Obviously you're having some sort of mental breakdown right now, but there's a guy on the corner and I'm thinking that he might be Hydra, so... Let's cut a deal. You help me get out of here and I'll - uh, I'll owe you one." It was a tenuous idea at most, but she was desperate. And she really didn't want to lose all of their research.

When she saw the flicker of anger cross his face, she shrank back a little bit. She knew that she shouldn't have dropped what she had on him, but she couldn't help it. She'd been monitoring everything that she'd said to him since she and Steve found him in Romania a few weeks ago. It was frustrating though. She had so much that she'd wanted to say to him for weeks now. In the two years she'd spent searching for him, she'd taken the time to think over what she would say to him when she found him. For a while now, she'd kept all of that to herself, but she couldn't do it anymore. The words came out quick, near projectile word vomit, and she didn't really have time to think before she spoke.

A frown crossed her features and her heart sank as she watched him storm off down the hall. Stupid. You're so stupid, Davis. She thought bitterly to herself. Footsteps brought her back and a surprised expression formed on her face when she realized that he'd turned around and started back towards her. "I'm sorry." She breathed, slightly distracted by the nickname he'd used. It was the first time she'd heard him call her Mar in seventy years. That alone gave her some hope. She knew that she couldn't expect him to remember everything, but the memories were still there somewhere. She knew that they were.

"I know it isn't fair, but what they did to you, everything that they made you do, that's not fair either. They made you do those things, Jamie. That's why I kept looking for you. Because I knew that none of what they made you do was your fault." It ran off her tongue so easily. Jamie. She was the only one he ever let call him that. To everyone else it was Bucky. Or James if he made Mrs. Barnes angry enough. Jamie was reserved for Marlene though and no one else, and she supposed that it was so easy for her to fall into old habits when they were actually talking to each other.

---

He wasn't making any sense. He knew that he wasn't, but how could he possibly make any sense to her when everything running through his mind was near impossible to make sense of? He'd never been out of cryo this long. The moment Bucky Barnes began to resurface he was wiped and put back under. They couldn't risk him remembering too much. If it seemed as though he were compromised, right back into the chair he went. But he hadn't been wiped since DC and it had been much longer since he'd last been put into cryo. He didn't know how long it had been, but he did know that he couldn't remember his mind ever being this much of a mess. And he had no idea how to handle any of it.

"The asset." He spat the words out bitterly. He wasn't going to be Hydra's perfect little soldier any longer. He would never go back to being that monster they'd turned him into. He didn't know if he could ever be Bucky again either, but he would never go back to doing what he'd been doing for the last seventy or so years. "They wanted you dead." He frowned. He never really questioned anything when he received a new mission. He always, as far as he could remember, did what he was told. Until the man on the bridge. Steve. He'd nearly killed him.

The sheer thought made the alley they were standing in seem much smaller than it was. He could feel his chest tighten, and he looked to her, a slightly panicked expression on his face. He wasn't going to hurt her either, he couldn't. He was done with that. He trusted what she was saying to him and didn't look towards the front of the alley. If he did, the man, possibly Hydra, would know that he'd been spotted. There was no way of knowing whether he'd come alone or not. "Stay here." He told her, taking a step back. "I'll handle it."

Bucky was reeling. He wasn't sure if it was because of her words or that name - Jamie - but either way he took a step back from her. He knew without a doubt in his mind that the second he fell asleep he would be dreaming about the past. It had taken him by surprise the first couple of times, but Bucky could just feel it deep in his gut that that's what was going to happen. He chalked it up to him suppressing the memories in that very moment. There was too much going on, too much for him to comprehend all at once. So he latched onto the one thing that he did understand. The one thing that he knew through and through, despite what she said.

"Wasn't my - Jesus," he bit out, anger lacing every syllable. "Yeah, they made me kill. But they never told me how to kill. I chose that. I chose that and I can remember every single one." That was another con of being out of cryo for a couple of years. While the years before the train were hazy, the lives that he'd taken afterwards were not. They were all there behind his eyelids, mingling with the memories of him and Steve, and the few he had of Marlene. Tainting the pure ones with the black ooze of his kills. "Every single one of those lives were my fault. You want proof, go ask Stark. I'm pretty sure he's writing a damn essay on how they're dead because of me."

He could remember the raw guilt that was in his stomach when the three of them were watching that screen. Well, Steve and Stark were. Bucky didn't have to look. For once he saw that car he knew. He knew without a doubt in his mind what was going to happen. "Too many bad things have happened because of me. There's no way to get around that."

---

The asset? She frowned at him. What on earth was he going on about? She made a mental note to ask Steve the next time she saw him. Well, if she saw him again. If she somehow managed to survive and get out of Thailand, she still had nowhere to go. Steve and Bruce and the rest of them were too public. Bruce had made it clear that she needed to keep far away if she and everything else were to remain safe. She took another step towards him. At this point, she had no idea what she was doing. "They want me dead, but you haven't killed me." She wanted to add a 'yet' on the end of that, but thought better of it. Just because he hadn't killed her yet didn't mean that it wasn't going to happen. And she really didn't want to push him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, I wasn't - I didn't - " She started stuttering when she saw the panicked expression that crossed his face. Okay, so he wasn't going to hurt her. She felt sure of it the second that he took a step back, saying that he'd handle it. There was no reason to toy with her. If they wanted everything that was in her backpack, he would have just shot her and taken the stuff. The people around there wouldn't even think to try anything. It was everyone for themselves there. She felt a jolt of terror shoot through her. She wished that she could be brave like Nat, or able to fight like Steve. But instead, she found herself backing up to her original spot behind the dumpster. She crouched down, clutching the backpack to her chest. All she'd wanted to be was a scientist. She'd wanted to help people. Not get caught up in this. But even when everything had been going down, she'd rarely been in the middle of everything. And when she had been right there, there was always someone around. Coming face to face with Barnes was a first for her. "Just relax, Char," she murmured to herself. "You've got this. He's got this. You're not dying today."

She'd done it again. Ran her mouth without thinking any of what she'd said through. She knew that she shouldn't have done that. She knew that he had a lot he was dealing with already, and dropping all of what she had on him clearly wasn't helping either, but she couldn't help it. He needed to know. He needed to know that there were people out there who didn't blame him for everything he'd done under Hydra's control. More importantly, she wanted him to know that she didn't blame him. She wanted him to know that she didn't think that any of it was his fault. She probably should have kept that to herself though, and she was really realizing that now more than ever.

Her heart dropped a bit, and she couldn't help the slight hurt expression that crossed over her features as she watched him take a step back away from her. That's wasn't what she'd wanted to come of this at all. "You were doing what they wanted you to do." She said quietly. "They made you believe that what you were doing was right. I have no business with Stark. I don't care what he thinks. His opinion doesn't matter to me. I'm telling you what I think, what I know."

---

He might as well have been speaking in riddles to her. He'd noticed the confused expression on her face. He knew now that there was only so much that Steve had told her about him. Or maybe Steve just didn't know much himself. But he did. The longer he was out of cryo, the more he remembered his time with Hydra. He was remembering everything that they'd made him do over the years, and he didn't know how to handle any of it. The best thing he could do was stop doing what he'd been doing. Stop killing. And he had every intention of doing so until he saw that Hydra agent lurking at the end of the alley. Hydra had turned him into this, and Hydra was going to pay for it.

"Stay here." He repeated before he stalked back towards the front of the alley. He still didn't know if the man had come along, but part of him hoped that he hadn't. He hoped that he'd brought backup. He wanted to take out every single one of them. As he neared the man, he saw the slightly panicked expression written across his face. "I need ba--" He didn't let him finish what he was going to say. He grabbed ahold of him and shoved him hard against the brick wall of the alleyway. He wasn't going to kill him. He was clearly in over his head, and hadn't expected confrontation like this.

"You're going to leave and stop following me." He said gruffly. "You're going to stop following her too. Do you understand me?" The man didn't respond, so he pressed even harder, causing a small cry of pain to escape the man's lips. "Do you understand me?" He repeated harshly. The man nodded. "Y-yes. I--I'll stop." He let him go. "Good. If I find out that you sent anyone else after me or her, I'll find you myself." He watched the man scurry away, knowing that it would have been better to kill him so that he couldn't call for backup, but he was still trying to change his ways. He wasn't going to give Hydra the satisfaction of knowing he was still doing what they'd wanted him to do. He didn't want to be the killer they'd turned him into any longer.

Once he was certain that the man was gone, he walked back over to the dumpster. "We need to leave." He told her. "I don't know if he's going to call for backup."