It All Comes Down to This

Angelina didn't reply, she simply stared at the space in front of her and allowed the pictures to shuffle through her mind like an old film.

"Is she okay?" Sam asked Allie with concern.

Allie held her finger to her lips in a be quiet motion, nodding. Waiting patiently for Angelina, Allie stayed silent, but stayed close.

Dean watched Angelina spacing out with worry, but tried to remember Sam’s words about worrying too much. “You girls have been through a lot, hm?” He asked quietly.

It was never easy to watch someone else's life flash before her eyes, but it came with the territory and it was just another reminder that she viewed the world differently from everyone else.

***

Not wanting to interrupt whatever was going on, Sam watched as Angelina's eyes flickered rapidly and couldn't help wondering what it was that she was seeing.

Dean watched on nervously but didn’t disturb the process, but was still so curious as to what Angelina was seeing behind her eyes, what it was that caused her to zone out from her current surroundings. “Does she need anything?” Dean asked.

Allie nodded. “A birthday cake coffee.”

"I'm assuming the sugar helps regulate something in her brain?" Sam guessed, wanting to learn more and help his brother help Angelina.

"The sugar helps patch up the broken reality in my mind," Angelina offered as if she hadn't zoned out at all, climbing out the car and heading towards the kitchen.

"It's as if nothing happened?" Sam mumbled.

Dean followed Angelina quickly, wanting to get her her birthday cake coffee, especially if it was such a big help. Wrapping his arms around her, Dean smiled. “I’m proud of what you did back there, you know. I’ll try and stop worrying less. You know what you’re doing.”

Allie climbed out of the Impala and stretched. “Just trust me on this,” she said to Sam.

"I love you," Angelina said, trying not to let on that being close to him was hard after what she had just been through. It wasn't just Dean, it was Sam and Bobby and Jody too. Allie was the only one that could touch her or be near her without it feeling as though she wanted to claw her way out of her skin.

***

"I trust you," Sam stated honestly.

Dean nodded, pulling away gently. “I love you too.” He promised, trying not to worry. Getting her coffee ready, Dean offered Angelina the cup as Sam and Allie came down the stairs. “Okay, we can all relax for a bit now.”

Taking a few sips, Angelina scratched at her hand absent-mindedly and headed for a shower without a word to anyone.

"Is this part of the process?" Sam said, once he was sure that Angelina was out of earshot, "She doesn't seem like herself?"

Dean frowned and looked to Allie. “Yeah, it’s kinda weird. She’s just… there, but not there, you know?”

Allie snorted. “Please, trust me. A hot shower and some sleep and she’ll be good as new. She just hosted someone else’s spirit. Give her a break.” Allie looked at the boys gently.

"Sounds like you've been through this a few times," Sam commented as he took a seat at the kitchen table.

***

The water felt great washing over her, kind of like it was washing away the remnants of the spirits stay and Angelina welcomed it. Housing another spirit always made her feel dirty in some ways, but it was part of what she did.

Finishing up, she changed into so pajamas and returned to the kitchen to drain the rest of her coffee

Allie nodded. “I have. And Angelina always does this better than anyone I know, she’s a hero.” Allie smiled proudly then, stirring her coffee, before stirring Sam’s and handing it to him, sitting on his lap.

Dean nodded with Allie’s words, but seeing movement in the hall, his face lit up at the sight of Angelina. “Hey babe,” Dean greeted. “Need a top up of that coffee? You feeling better?”

"A top up sounds great," Angelina answered, offering Dean a small smile and disappearing into the library with her journal.

***

"I don't know how she does it," Sam stated as he watched her, "I don't think I'd be able to carry some one else's burdens."

Dean nodded to himself with Sam’s words and topped up Angelina’s birthday cake coffee, willing to top it up a hundred times if it meant she would be content. Taking it to the library, Dean set it down beside her. “Need me to go, stay?”

Allie smiled gently. “She’s a strong woman. Always has been.”

"Some company would be nice?" Angelina admitted quietly, not ready for close contact and settling for him just being in the room as she scribbled in her journal.

Dean nodded. “Of course,” and still giving Angelina space, Dean sat by her feet, relaxing against the base of the couch she had curled up on. He stayed silent, listening to the scribble of the pen against paper - and in the quietness of the moment, Dean realised he was sat with his soulmate.

"Do you think a new case would help?" Sam suggested, pulling his laptop towards him and starting it up.

***

Angelina finished what she was writing and handed the journal to Dean, knowing that he wanted to understand more about the process. "Everyone's story is different."

Allie shrugged. “You can look for one, sure. But ultimately, it’s up to her.” Allie wrapped her arms around Sam’s shoulders from behind, kissing his cheek.

Dean took the journal carefully. “Is this the story of everyone you’ve guided to the light?” Dean asked as he carefully opened the book, his head resting on Angelina’s leg as he began to read.

"What about you... Do you want to look for another case?" Sam asked as he looked up at Allie.

***

"Most of them, the journalling is pretty new," Angelina admitted with a shrug.

Allie nodded. “Sure. It’s always nice to stay busy.” Allie slipped into Sam’s lap before taking over the laptop, typing as she did. “Something easy this time?”

Dean nodded as he continued to read. “You write so beautifully.” Dean murmured, looking up to Angelina with a worried gaze. “You don’t have to carry this on your own anymore.”