Domestic Violence

My dad used to throw things near but not at my mother when I was little. When I was three I asked her not to divorce him and told her that I would get him to stop throwing things at her. My mom said that was the reason she had to leave, was because of how normal it was becoming.

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To answer the original question asked in this thread: NO, YOU DO NOT EVER PROVOKE VIOLENCE BEING BROUGHT ON YOU.

They say it's your fault to get you to believe them, stay, doubt yourself, etc. It's a trick. No one has the right to put hands on another in that manner, ever.

My father is extremely paranoid and violent due to his own abusive upbringing. He never hit me or my brother but he would grab us by both arms and shake us until we couldn't stand. I can remember clearly getting so nauseous and seeing spots that I could no longer hear him screaming. Bri and I would have to wear long sleeved turtlenecks afterwards because our necks would be red from the jerking and our arms would be bruised. He use to throw things at us and beat the shit out of mom for whatever reason he deemed justifiable.

After he left us (before he could hurt our little sister) she went through several boyfriends who were also abusive. One of them grabbed me by the shoulders, shook me and then slammed me against a wall because I didn't hear him say my name. The rest were touchy feely types. She was also abusive when she wasn't in a relationship. Sometimes it was physical but most of the time it was verbal and we would give it right back. There haven't been many instances of abuse since she got with our stepfather though. He doesn't tolerate any form of abuse.

It still affected Brian and I horribly though. Aside from the emotional trauma we were drawn towards friends with similar problems and significant others who were abusive. It was all we knew and seeing families without it actually confused us a one point. We though every family was like ours. My ex husband was physically and verbally abusive towards me and I was with him (dating until marriage) for five and a half years. He wasn't nearly as bad as my father and mom's ex boyfriends but with his behavior he was well on his way.

It is never our fault or our doing that causes the abuse. We allow ourselves to stay because they are manipulative little bitches and it's no way to live. Like Dru said, there's no reason to do it and no arguments the abusers bring up will ever change that.

I've never really suffered physical abuse but my mom did at the hands of my grandma. Apparently my grandma used to hit her and throw stilettoes (pointy heeled shoes) at her or something like that. The only form of abuse I got was of the verbal type, but I wouldn't doubt that my grandma had abused my mom and her siblings because of how much arguing went on when I was little, especially towards my mom.

I don't think anyone brings any kind of abuse upon themselves. I think when the abusers say that, they're trying to keep in control because abusing others is how they know when they're in control.

My mom was beat by her last husband. It went on for two years and I had to listen to it all the time. Usually, he was only abusive when he was drunk, when he was sober he was a great guy. He was great to have conversations with and he made a semi-decent father figure to someone who had never had one, but that doesn't excuse the fact that he was an abusive asshole. It went on for along time, and she kept going back until I told her that hearing it, and always being dragged into arguments, and all the mysterious trips to the hospital were making me suicidal. A few months before she left I was in a pretty bad ATV accident, thank God for helmets, and I chipped off a 3mm piece of my spine. Before that, my bedroom was on the other side of the house but after the accident I had to sleep on the floor in the living room for a month because it made it easier to get to the bathroom by myself and the kitchen. During that time it became more noticeable and I started to feel like it was my fault, like the fact that I had been in an accident was causing all of their marital problems. The accident was in September and we left in November. She kept going back to him though, because she loved the person he was when he was sober. He... On Christmas of 2010 he got high and, well I call it deciding to be Santa, but he... In old kung-fu movies you see guys jump up and come crashing through the window, that's what he did. Cue six months of couch hopping and staying in hotels.

Now they're divorced and she's trying to sell the house she bought when they got married, the house he beat her over consistently.

My opinion is, Abusers have demons that they themselves can't face, but victims shouldn't have to be victims. Domestic Violence is never right, and abuse is abuse, but you have to find a way out. There has to come a point when enough is enough, because the abuser? no matter how much they swear they'll change, how much they cry and promise it won't happen again, it will.

Personally I hate the word victim, even as a victim I hate it. It made me feel weak, powerless, and uncomfortable but most of all it made me feel ashamed. I didn't want to tell anyone what was happening in my life, why I was always late to class or why some days I couldn't make it to school. I didn't want to tell my teachers that I was smart, but failing classes because my textbooks were being held hostage, people already looked at me with pity because sometimes I couldn't hold my head up and I had to shift around a lot and stairs were absolute murder. They looked at me with pity because I lost thirty pounds for no reason. I put on a brave face and played the hand I was dealt but my stance will always be; If you're being abused, get out and get help. There are advocacy centers almost everywhere for victims, and they will do anything they can to help you. The abuser isn't going to change, you have to decide that you're done.

I was in an abusive relationship when I was 14-17. My boyfriend would snap at me, make me cry, wouldn't let me post pictures of myself on Facebook, deleted all my male contacts except the ones he approved of, despised the way I dressed, offhandedly call me a slut because of said way i dressed, kept me from my friends (and then got pissed a me for clinging onto him because I had no friends), blamed me when I got angry at him, accused me of cheating on him, and molested me. He also coerced me into letting him take pictures of me with minimal clothing. Abusive men start becoming abusive young.

I never told anyone this because I had gotten violent with him when my words wouldn't get across. He blamed me for that, and I later attempted suicide twice, and then in a manic rage told him it was his fault. To this day I hate him and have scars from him.