isobelle; / Comments

You're welcome. :) Glad I can help.

I like your story Fattie, as I think you succeeded in writing it and telling it through Frankie's eyes. Very nice and awesome. I don't think you failed, as you have the courage to do something hard such as post a story online here. :) The only time you fail at something is when you don't try. I've learned that long ago when I was a freshman in high school.

It's still ebing fleshed out in Roleplay form. But fear not, all this extra time it takes me to post it just means more time is going into conjouring up plot ideas, premices and characters. ^-^

The thing is, I dont have a camera handy to take photos, and I'm not sure if my webcam is good enough.

No, but books they don't. You're very right. But on Mibba, stories are so much easier with a space between each paragraph. And a new person speaking is a new paragraph. :)

Woop!! YAAAYYY!!! that'll be great!! Your story is so good!!

Update Fattie soon?? please??

No problem!

You're very welcome. :]

Hiya Izzie!
Thank you for the welcome. :)

No problem.
I like the story!

haha, it's okay. :)
I like yours too, the robots are sweet :D

Yeah! I totally agree, it makes the other model just look unhealthy.
and it's okay, your journal was really interesting. like that story about the seven year old. D:

Thanks for you're comment, it was a little straight up. I'm new to this.

Thank you for the story comment.

Huzzah! My life now means something. TvT

Lol, all good points. And I'll update it, plus hopfully kick myself into writing another chapter of naumachia, or start writing Human Instinct up. That would be nice...

Okay, here's my honest assessment.

1. I like the overall plot, although it doesn't feel like a major plot device to follow through with all the way to the end. You need to throw in more twists to keep it interesting, maybe have it divulge a little from regular day life.

2. Overall the writing styles alright, but it has plenty of little holes and flaws throughout all of your works. But being someone who practically trains his writing skills daily on Gaia, I can't really talk seeing as I'm putting your skills up to the test against some really exceptional people who I've met.

3. I'm not liking the character dialogue too much, the relationship that kept the girls together in the beginning was a little weak and unimaginative. Perhaps too unlikely that such a simple and meaningless bond between the main character and the rest of her 'friends' at the time would keep them from throwing her out of the social group.

4. The amount of time that any character really has to speak seems a little limited, and it feels like you're muting your characters a tad. Maybe throw in some extra lines of dialogue, seperate it with brief explanations on what they're body's doing and what tone they're using, and then jump back into the rant/speech/idle convosation.

5. Overall, I think it's a good start on your proffessional(?) writing path, but in my opinion I feel like you need to branch out from the simple love triangle, drama genre and sample other things. Right now it feels like you're only trying the fruit from one tree, but if you branch out to the next one, then you can enjoy something almost completely different. And then genetically modify it, splicing in select parts of the last fruit into the new fruit to gain a genetically superior fruit! >:D

...Ahem. But yes, these are my gripes with Fattie, otherwise I think it's a pretty good story.

thank you for the journal comment (: i'm not full-of-myself i'm just used to my best friend labeling my ex-bfs lol

thanks for the input on my story 13492.
I appreciate it,and im going to slow things down a bit,rewrite the new chapter,and edit it.
Thanks once again :)