no problem :D it was really good
January 13th, 2012 at 01:39am
The way you structure your poems is fascinating, for sure: That, and the positioning of certain words that REALLY draw out a smooth, yet unexpected flow. One line that really caught me off-guard (pleasantly) was from your poem 'Incomplete'. It was the line after:
'Where the brine hits my face
and my hair whips away with the crashing', which, by itself flowed extraordinarily well with the imagery you presented: but the addition of:
'and calm of the waves' Well, that's when I see the contrast (artistic contrast, of course) between the waves. The crashing turns to calmness, which is a wonderful end to a stanza in my opinion. I see that this could be a perfect metaphor: a story within?
Regardless, Incomplete was my favorite. By the end of the poem, I was no longer thinking of the literal ocean, but catering to the implied inner meaning, and how each line can be taken for something else: No longer was the line
'So I stay by the Ocean Side' a literal line in the sand; rather, to me it became standing on the edge of love - with the aftermaths of the last 'wave' flowing around you. And of course, the departure and the negligence of joining the water with the use of a boat... Unless that was strictly metaphorical.
I'm not sure how you intended this poem to be interpreted, but I really, really enjoyed the possibility for metaphors within it. You're definitely, dare I say it, a better writer than me. And I'm foolishly stubborn about such things, but it's undeniable.
Well played.
