LukasRyker. / Comments

i'm sick and tired of everything.
literally. xD
i'm sick.
and i'm tired of everything. the whole routine. the school shit. i just want a break.
too much stress yanno?
a 13 year old shouldn't be this stressed.
IWENTTOAFUCKINGPARTY.
and i grinded like six different guys. :P

i got suspended from school for a fight.
i'm so pissed.
the guy was smack talking about my friend.
it pissed me off.
and i blew up.
and now i'm suspended for a week.
and then before school at like 5 AM it was freezing and we had track pratice. D:<
well. the track shorts are shorter than daisy dooks and they're lose so you can just see EVERYTHING.
and when i had to tie my shoe, i bent down and this one guy wolf whistled and smack my ass!
i was URGHH. D:<

iestiawethiawheeg
I'm tiredd.
I miss you.
My head hurtss.
I miss you.
I'm sorta hungry.
I miss you.
I think I like Kota....
I miss you.
I had a dream about Brennan.
It was weird. xD

Actually.
I just plain flat out give up on humanity.

I'm not mad at her anymore.
But I'm pretty sure I've given up on her...

I don't wanna talk to her anymore.
I just don't.
I don't wanna hear her voice. See her name. I don't wanna have a thing to do with her. It might seem like I just wanna ditch her or whatever but I just can't stand it. I'm still pissed.
I've been giving her the cold shoulder lately and honestly the only thing that bothers me is she's talking to me.
I CAN'T STAND IT.
I wanna tell her off. -____-
It's more than that. I'm sick of being the one who reaches out to keep her around. I lose friends like someone loses a second of their life. It's so easy for me. They come and go and I'm so used to it that I don't even try anymore. With Lan, I've tried so hard to keep her around but it's difficult cause I'm so accustomed to just letting them go. But I've noticed she never reaches back. Like she just doesn't care anymore. And honestly, I'm fucking sick of it.
I'm not gonna try anymore. I'm tired of it. I'm gonna move on with my life and spare myself the tears.
But it's difficult if she starts messaging me. I mean, he gets grounded and she suddenly pops back up in my life??? It doesn't fucking work that way. She let us fall apart and now so am I.
I'm sorry for dumping this on you again.
-Liz

My cousin, Lan, she's my bestfriend. I tell her everything, kinda like you.
But I think I'm losing her.
I'm feeling kinda used.
She comes to me, dumps all this shit whenever she feels like it and goes missing for ages before coming back.
she's been replacing me with her lover boy. she tells him everything from top to bottom. she talks to him forever on end.
she's replaced me with some guy she met a month ago.
i feel hurt.
my best friend since i was fucking born has replaced me with a guy she likes.
she's always all i love him whenever she happens to give me a hi now.
we used to talk all the time. every day.
now i'm lucky to get her to think of me.
it hurts. a lot.
what am i gonna do when i lose her?
she's always been my umber one bestest friend on the planett.
and now i'm losing her after all those others that i've lost.
do i not deserve a long lasting friendship or something?!
i really don't get why i can't have someone for long. it's like i'm cursed.
i dunno.
i'm sorry i'm dumping this on you when you can't reply. \:
love you.
-jella

Carson asked me out today. (:
And I said yes.
It made my day. <3 :D
He's been my friend for so long. Two years. And he asked me out and then I said "sure" but on the inside i was like screaming and when we were walking to spanish we were just talking and then he took my hand in his and i was all blushing and stuff. i really like him. <3

GUESS WHAT?!
I MIGHT BE TAKING THE SAT IN DECEMBER. WHEN I'M ONLY 13. xD I feel like a genius. ;D

DX
This guy today in Gym smelled like sweat. And not only that. But the guy's the guy I like!!! It was soooo grosss. But at the same time I couldn't stop smiling cause he was by my side. XD
I'm sooooooo messed up.
Mrs. Babendure changed my seat in art. Conner and I are split up cause we were noisy.....It's a bummer. \:

my parents are fighting. they were screaming and my sister started to cry and i just sat there and i listened. to them yell.
i'm scared they're gonna divorce.

i looooveeee yoooouu. XDDD
so so so.
GUESS WHAT?!!!!!!!
i aced my spanish test.
i know. i'm such a nerd to be happy about that BUT STILLLL.
XDD
alsoooo.
i dunno. hahahahha
i wish you could tell me how you weree.
but oh well. i love you!!!! (:
<33333
loovee,
jella

i cut myself yesterday.
a lot.
i was in tears. and i went all out on my wrist.
something's wrong with me.
all i think about is dying...
why am i so depressed?

i cried in school today.
it was horrible.
there were these people in class.
and we wer ein homeroom. and i was listening to my ipod, minding my own business. and i had your name on my pencil bag. cause you...yanno. it was a respect kind of thing. and cause i miss you so much.
but yeah. they saw your name. and they teased me about it....and these wer ethe people i used to hang out with last year. they knew you meant a lot to me. and they still teased me about it.
and then i cried. because they laughed at me for loving you so much and yet not knowing you in real life.
and then they called you names.
and i got so mad.
i screamed. i yelled at them. and then i ran away and cried in the bathroom stall.
and now i'm wondering why i even let them get to me.
and i realized it's because when it comes to you, i'm still sensitive about it.
i miss you lukas.
i love you.
i'm so lonely without.
and i keep crying.
and when i'm at school it's like hell.
cause when i get home, it's gonna be the exact same. i'm just gonna sit in a corner and listen to music.
it's like my heart's gone. like i've put it into a chamber.
i think i'm afraid to let anyone in.
cause i don't want anyone to ever get out.
lukas.
what's wrong with me?

i wrote. twice.
on paper.
in class.
but i could never manage to type it all up. either i thought they were too long or they said too much.
anyway.
i'm....sad.
i keep thinking about things like suicide.
i'm kind of thinking of......attempting it.
i know. that sounds....seriously wrong.
but i've been planning this since like january.
but then i met lods, dalila, and margie and all and i couldn't do that because i finally felt alive. happy.
and when you passed, i guess i just broke....
but anyway.
i think i'm attempting it.
new years eve.
i want time first. to make amends with people i once argued with you know? i wanna make up. seem happy. i want to die with a good end of a life.
...
i know. this sounds totally wrong. i know, i know, i know. but whenever i wanna talk to someone about this, there's no one to tell.
and it seems like you're the only one to turn to as bad as that seems.
because....
i still trust you.
i don't trust margie, or loddie, or ally or my cousin lan or anyone else. all because...i can't will myself to do it. but for some reason, i still trust you. <3
anyways. thanks for listening.

Love,
jella

helllo lucky. so.
i dunno. i wanted to drop by and say hi even though i know for sure, i won't be getting a reply.
but i still feel comfortable telling you everything.
hmmm. so. today was boring. like REALLY boring. i hurt myself. i got a paper cut and like...blood like...squirted out. i think i got like really wooozy too. xD
oh. and i keep getting these weird questions on formspring, asking about ally, lods, margie and stuff. and because we...aren't too close anymore. hell. ally and lods don't even speak to me anymore. and it's opening old wounds....
i cried myself to sleep last night thinking about that stufff. \:
no matter how many lies i believed, or told or whatever.
i miss the old times.
with marie as hannah, ally as dalila, ash/loddie as loddie. and, don't judge me, i miss when i was still anna. but at least i confessed to being a fake right?
i still feel guilty for not telling you before you...yanno. i still can't bring myself to say it. \:
OH AND.
I MADE THE HOPE FOR HOBOS SHIRT.
In honor of you. <3
I miss you, Lukas. A lott.
It still brings tears to my eyes. I know. Pathetic. But I do. I miss you. A lot. <3
I hope you're having fun wherever you are.
Love,
Liz

...i know you're gone.
but it doesn't feel right knowing i haven't told you anna was fake and i was behind the whole fake thing...
especially cause even after all this time, i still love you to death, lucky.
i miss you and i love you and i hope you're happy wherever you are.<3

Holaa.
I was randomly clicking around and found your profilee.
So helloo. XDD
Supp?

LUKAS<3
I missed ya(:
My account was deleted..
I haven't talk to you in forever!
Please tell me you're okay?

Lukas Lukas Lukas<3
Please tell me you're alright...
Please please please.
I haven't been on in forever
Please still be here ):