Just post a jounral or something asking someone. I'm sure someone would. When I first started to write I suck, I wasn't any good and I'm still not good. But after a while got a little better. Everyone writes different, and has a different style, there's nothing wrong with yours its good. Its hard getting people to read stories I know. Just keep writing the way you want and people will start to read them.
Just write the chapter on Microsoft Works or something like that. It has spell check and grammar check, it helps. Everyone has mistakes I have them even though I re-read. Its not that bad to were you can't read it so dont think that. Or if you want have some proof read it for you, there's a lot of people on here who do that.
To be truthly honest I kinda based Angel on me and thought about how I would react in the same situation... I tend to put myself in my stories to make it feel real and believable xD
Ugh, you're bumming me out. I'd kill for anything about 35 here. Massachusetts is the worst. I hate shoveling snow on spring break :/ But I'll live haha