Sebastion Evans / Comments

No problem. You could just copy/paste what I put and then make any other adjustments you wanted. The "fuck you Joseph" line would stand out especially well if you separated it from the others with blank above and below it. i was just noticing that haha I'm reviewing a few more of yours as well but I don't have too much time online right now so soon, okay? :)

Ur welcome :)
And welcome to Mibba!
I'm Terrie :)

No problem i love to comment!

No problem, and thank YOU for your poem comment(:

Okay, for "Obstacles" - I love the word patterns. The 'small as a mouse' part is sort of cliche and could be improved upon to be a more unique comparison, one that causes the reader to think more, but otherwise I like the pattern and word choices very much. However...it would be more striking of you re-formatted it to make a few of the more concrete lines stand out. (I'm not posting this on the actual poem because if you decide to re-format it, then my comment won't ruin it for the people who are reading it for the first time.)
Personally, I would do it something like this:

In the road of life, [there] will be obstacles.
They vary in size.
Some could be a small as a mouse or as large as the wall of china.

These obstacles are in the state of smoke until I confront them.
There they become as thin as paper or harder then steel.
And so the problem starts at this huge steel wall.

To me it is there
noticeable
yet i want to ignore it.
Grafftied on the wall in huge letters,
"FUCK YOU JOSEPH."

I laughed at such unbreakable simplistic words.
Thrown up from the scum of the Earth
who have no reason but laziness for where they are.

Where the wall stands, are several roads breaking apart
Into a formation like a spider's web.
All these roads are blocked, but compared to the wall,
They are paper.

So I take one road, then another and another until there is [are]
no more roads
And I still [stare] at the wall.
The wall that still tells me to fuck off.

I have no way to break it , but I will try otherwise
My road ends
And I'll never continue on.

It also looks better if you capitalize all the beginnings of the lines unless you want to not capitalize where the line begins in the middle of a phrase. (I fixed a few in this version and the suggested changes are in brackets) You don't have to take my advice, but that's what I'd do to make it all stand out more :)

Sure, as soon as I get time i'll check it out.
I regularly critique for some of the kids on here because I've taken extensive courses in poetry. I'll look yours over soon, 'mkay? :)

Thanks for the add :)
How are you liking Mibba thus far?

Well now you know something new. If you wouldn't mind could you possibly read some of my stuff?

I'm not bad. If you click my name you can go to my page & I can recieve you're comments.

alright, you

No problem. How are you?

Ahh boo ya. wolves for the win

I love wolves! They be me favorite beasty!

how do you create your homepage?

thanks

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