Keely Noelle / Comments

You always speak of living in the moment, letting go of the past, being positive. Yet, I find it very hard to understand you and often ignore your completely. Now, I understand completely where you come from, you are unaware of a lot of things about me. My 'mysterious' life is not known and for that I can't be mad or even blame you for thinking this. But because of the current moment and situation I am in, letting go and looking forward isn't an option. Because not only is the past dark, but the future is as well. I rely on a single dream that as about a 40% chance or less of coming true. But to get there I have to go through more trouble then what the entire situation is about. I don't want to focus on this and go into much detail about it. But I hope you understand my point of view much like I understand yours.

The forget the past is something I can't do. Not because I can't let go, but because it constantly reoccurs and wounds are never closed because of flash backs, family members, or my repressed life coming back to haunt me. I can most of the time ignore it and live in just a hollow shell. However now, more than ever, the past is coming back. Not because of my teenage stage, but because of therapy, my family, and myself reliving and opening up the locked doors.

To simply “Not give a fuck” or “ignore it” or “Do as they say” isn't an option. It never was. It's a demand and if I don't do it I get penalized in ways that are unfair and against child protective services laws.

But who gives a fuck about that, right?

Belgium is close to being the worst place I have ever lived if not already the worst. Tired of a couple months? Try 4 years. I watched people come and go, change, and warp in completely different beings. It's SHAPE, it's terrible and the worst place here.

I wish I could fill you with positive words and happy thoughts. However that's not the type of person I am. I'm silent, negative, and rude. Positives are a rare for me, unless you really need it. But even then I am useless and often have very little to say. (An example of this was the day you can over rather upset and threw your gloves. I said and did nothing but play with my cat).

I view the negatively. I don't imagine this view changing by some magic boy who changed my life forever. I know beautiful things are out there. I know they exists and I even know people or places that are beautiful. But I still view it negatively. I expect the worse out of every situation, always things something terrible will happen, always predict the worst. And most of the time I'm wrong, but it doesn't mean something positive happened out of it. They do sometimes, and I am overjoyed and happy. But I'm not filled with sorrow or remorse when the negative things happen. I am simply prepared and shrug it off, add it to the list of shit things.

You view me in a different way. Mainly because you view me in a ways no one else had before. A “I don't want to fuck this bitch but I'm not friend zoning her either” type of way. That was a terrible comparison but you get it. Most things you heard are from friends or family or crushes and they either mean nothing or too much. I listen to the complements and although I don't see them, I don't disagree (most of the time). I'd never openly disagree with you because that's when I start being annoying and begging for affection. We all view each other differently.

I wish I could say things like you had. You letter was very uplifting and encouraging and left me with a goofy smile. However I don't feel exactly the same. It's life upon first meeting and getting to know you there was a strong infatuation. It's calming down however and the “This dude is perfect!” is turning into “Calm the fuck down”.

This doesn't mean I don't enjoy your company however. I really do. Although you piss me off a lot, a fucking lot. You do make me laugh and comfort me in ways I hadn't been in the past (or ever...). You have a really nice fucking smile. I always fucking get really happy when you smile. It's a nice damn smile.

Fucking nice.

You are very awkward, and I find that to be the best fitting word. You are very polite. And you care a lot, so much it almost makes me feel bad that you are wasting energy on me. There's very little I can add on. Don't be discouraged by it, just apart of the quite persona I guess.

I can't add on any comforting and nice phrase like I love you, because it's not true for me. I wouldn't say anything that isn't true. We've known each other for about 3 months. That for me, isn't an amount of time I'd be willing to say is okay to invest myself into you. I do care about your well being as a decent human and I am no barbarian, but come the situation where it's my cats life or yours, I'm choosing the cat (Don't worry I'd choose the cat over a lot of people, ask Faith.)

This whole letter is negative and rude. I want to rip it up and destroy it but I can't write anything more positive and uplifting. Guess it could be worse, could of talked about suicide or something. Send you a whole message about how shitty I was feeling (already do that though). Guess this is just a response to your letter.

Couldn't bother to form my own paragraph or statements, lord knows I'm so shy, quite, reserved, awkward, introverted, and terrified to do that.

Excuse my depression, it's all I have left to blame my negativity on.

Also excuse and grammar errors. I refuse to reread this in fear I will burn it.

See you later.

@ Louise Belcher
Music really, that's my favorite thing in the world. My favorite things to do are lay around on my computer, pet my cat, and walk.

What about you?

What are your favorite things?

@ Louise Belcher
Okay

Hi let's be friends!

Later. I'm studying for math. But soon I'll be able to get on.

Hi!! Bea mentioned you and I wanted to say hi and stuff!!!! And meet Bea's best friend! so.. Yeah.. Hi!! :) and how are you?

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Tpy0lafSAh4/Tucm9TPCZxI/AAAAAAAAAuA/gmwsm5cphg4/s1600/cat-snow.jpg

They are the ones who have the most soul to them. The ones people can rely on when sad or upset. No one can listen to Planetary Go! when their family just died (god that was am awful analogy...)

The Sleeping with Sirens acoustic albums If We Were A Movie-Drool. Fucking eargasums...

God, this is why we're best friends. I've got the whole Mayday Parade Discography and my favourite Conventional Weapon was the third. My favourite songs are like, Imagine, Skinny Love, Miserable at Best, When You Can't Sleep at Night, Caraphernelia's Acoustic... I love acoustics. I love slow songs, sad songs, they're the best.

@ heatherlight
Agreed,slow songs are my most favored songs. Cancer, Therapy, Remembering Sunday, Hello, Acoustics. OH!! Dear lord do not get me started with acoustics...

I cross my fingers everyday.

Every slow song is heart touching. Miserable at best: "I know I'm good at something, I just have to find it yet."

@ heatherlight
You'll only have to wait a few weeks (fingers crossed)

Oh Mayday Parade is my absolute favorite. Pierce the Veil is nice too, but Mayday Parade is one I simple adore.

Damn, I hate secrets.

It is. I've been drifting today between Pierce the Veil and Mayday Parade and everything is just reminding me of you and the fact that in less than a month we'll see eachother and everything we've gone through these two years was worth it. Every fucking thing was worth it.

@ heatherlight
;) Secret.

It is a nice song...

Thanks B.

Why do you want it, though?

Oh, and I kind of fell in love with Stained Glass Eyes and Colorful Tears because it reminds me a lot of you. Like, a whole fucking lot.

"Fine, maybe I'll pretend right now, but I swear to god I'm gonna change the world."

I promise you I'll do it so you can finally be happy.

@ heatherlight
Ha, I'm not going to lie. When I saw the 'Noelle' I dropped my carrot I was eating, threw my hands up and went, "OHHHHH!!!". (Don't know why I did that...)

Thank! <3!

I love, for a boy, Jack Niklaus.

And for a girl, Charlotte Noelle.

@ heatherlight
Sounds awesome :)!

Hey Keely! I was just talking to this great Mibbian and we both decided to make a Jack Barakat fic! I'm so stoked! I hope you see it when it comes out! :)