Hey Scott..did you get my last 2 messages on yahoo???? if not i think something is messed up with me email or something b/c i'm getting your messages.
August 25th, 2008 at 12:05am
I definitely like your story, it's pretty rad. I'd probably work on your grammar and spelling a bit.. but otherwise... it's pretty good!
Also, you should space out each sentence of speech when a different person is speaking...
EG. "I want that candy!"Heather said."No!" She yelled. (not good. Makes the reader think the same person is speaking, and that 'she' is delusional and answers her own statements and questions.)
"I want that candy!" Heather said.
"No!" She yelled. (VERY GOOD.. and easier to understand. This way, you can tell that there are 2 speakers.)
Anywho.. I like the storyline!!
