March 24th, 2016 at 02:46am
I was the same way but, because I'm bipolar type 2, people just thought I was emotional and temperamental and (when I hit puberty) that it was just hormones/that time of the month and when they finally realized I had a problem, I got misdiagnosed as having depression and every time I hit a hypomanic phase, they thought I was just getting better when in reality, the meds were making it ten billion times worse.
Mental illness is terrifying. But it's like even though you want to get better, it's that fear of not knowing who you are without it that can seriously get in the way. This is what we know. How do we just strip that away? I don't think I've ever put that into words before. But it's so true. And people without mental illness don't get that.
Even better when SOs say things like "If you love me, you'll stop" or "It's x or me." That doesn't help. That makes things so much worse. I see that too often in teen books. It's not the kind of thing anyone needs to read and be absorbing. There's nothing wrong with us if we can't stop or if we can't get better because we love someone; there's something wrong with society for believing that's how it works. We have to get better for us. And it's not easy.
This is why we need awareness. But with Hollywood and publishing being the way it is, nothing is realistically portrayed. I shouldn't bash an industry I work in, but it's ridiculous.
YES YES YES YES YES! My boyfriend broke up with me because I was "dragging him down." I suffer from extreme anxiety as well as depression and the blend of the two together is pure hell. I can't control my ticks at this point. Coping mechanisms help only some times. And I'm constantly put under pressure to "be normal" and I'm not even convinced normal exists. More like, be "tolerable" or be "average". Follow the status quo. My body doesn't know how to do that.