CarryOnWanderer / Comments

I loved it!

:D no prob!!!! That was REALLY good!!!!!!

thanks for the comment

Don't worry about it though-- I tend to be overly critical-- sorry-- it's just that I love constructive criticism so I tend to give others a ton of it-- not all people take it so well... write what you like, those are just some ideas to make it more interesting for the reader, though if you're just pouring out your emotions it doesn't really make a difference (I do that a lot with my writing-- I have about 20 or 30 little paragraphs that I just wrote out to pour out emotion saved on my computer-- just in case I should ever need inspiration I should go look to them-- haha-- none of them would really make good poetry though...) but if you're writing for an audience rather than just for you-- then those are just some ideas you may be interested in-- don't take them personally...

the other thing I'm going to mention is that you tend to rhyme in some verses and not in others, I don't think it's necessarily bad, but it might be more effective for your poetry to stick to a rhyme scheme, or stick to not rhyming, as non rhyming poetry is good too (that's how everyone starts out), either way though take a look at your metre because that really does matter more than rhyme, because-- in a way-- it's what makes a poem a poem rather than just a set of lines that tell a story or talk about an emotion, it creates a structure, like a song has to have a steady beat and rhythm so does a poem to an extent

Metre is rhythm of a poem, so many syllables per line and keeping it steady ect ect ect just so it has that sort of poetic flow, like some lines work together very well:
I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us -don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.

That's Emily Dickinson-- I've found-- from reading published poetry vs amateur poetry-- the biggest difference is in metre. Professional poetry has a constant steady metre while more amateur poetry has metre that skips around badly, 3 syllables here, 9 syllables there, 4 syllables here, 5 syllables there... it doesn't keep steady... I'll admit I have trouble with it, it's hard to get the same message across in just a syllable more, or even worse cut down your lines by 3 or 4 syllables to get the same point across without ruining your rhyme scheme. But poets from Emily Dickinson, to Robert Frost, to Shakespeare, to Tennyson to Yeats prove that it can be done-- so just try your best. it definitely gets easier, I mean-- I'm no pro yet, but I remember the first time I tried to keep my rhyme and metre steady, it was awful, but every time you put in the effort it gets a bit easier....

Thanks... I like yours too, particularly "Your Everything" perhaps your metre could use a bit of work (I don't know-- it just didn't work for me when I read it!) but your work is definitely promising
Keep Writing
~Maggie

I told you in the message.

thank you for your comment! Woot! another tennis player!
~Maggie

Okay.
Thank you.
^^

Lol.
I would tell my friends about you, you're amazing although i barely know you! ^^

Uhhh, I lost my friend two years ago. =/
There's been other things like guys using me, but I think that losing my friend is what has really shaped me and took grip on my heart the strongest. =[

I haven't check out the other ones yet, and that would be like amazing. xD

That would be it.

Your newest one.

I loved your poem/ song thing.

Welcome to mibba!
What's up?

Hai.


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