saige - / Comments

haha, me too! bill looked better with the short hair tho. well, at least thats what i think. :)

thank you for commenting, XD!

OMG thank you!! R u another tokio hotel fan? :)

Okey-dokey. I'm tired too, but I wouldn't give up a Friday night for anything. :3

Anyways; I'll keep checking back on your story! G'niiight.

Ha, -air drums instead- x333

Anyways; I just finished the three chapters, and if I had togive you... Uhm... Well, what /I/ actually think;

a) Your chapters need to be longer, full of life and emotion. It sort of lacks things like just basic description. It's like you're rushing your story to get to the climax, when really, anybody that will /ever/ read a fiction about Bill, will want to save the climaz for the last possible moment. For me; I blew right through all of those chapters in four minutes, and not once did I have ti re-read anything .^-^

b) May I suggest; Finding out the facts to see if Bill has an /actual/ girlfriend; I'm not an obsessing fan of only him, though I love him and his accent, I'm pretty sure 8/10 girls won't bother reading your story because it focuses 'romance' between a well-known artist and an unknwon... Random person.

b) I like where you went with the whole, 'someone made a negative video about the band', however it lacked depth. Seriously. It needed more, especially if that's what was going to cause these apparent two to fall in love.

c) I think you also need to bring a better depth of character personality into view. Bill, for example, might be ultra-shy, and you'd need to depict him in every way possible, as a shy guy. Everyone has a distinct personality, and especially the members of band like them.

I'm still thinking... o3o
I said length, depth of plot... And then yeah, you would be good.

I might have to give you examples of some things I'd change, if you don't mind. I have some premade samples laid out for how I want Brendon to be in Back to Reality, so I might be able to hand that over to you to get a base of how to carry out personality through a story.

Niiice. :3

Ohs, and believe it or not, I'm starting to read every last bit of it right now. I'll give you my critique in the slightest second more. :]

'Ello. :]

M'name's Nikki.

Panic at the Disco is my life, Beckett is my solitude, Cobra is my soul, and Fall Out Boy... Is... Yeah; And Tokio Hotel represents my heart~

I guess you have it figured out now ; )

thanks for the welcome
x

Sounds really boring? xD

thank you for the poem comment
please check ot my william beckett stories

The day's almost over, but i've been at school, and then i died my hair. : D
You? xD

Haha, noone knowsthe country i live in, so noone knows the town i live in -.-'

Yeah i do! : D
Then i know someone who lives in the u.s. xD *Lucky me*

aaah.. no idea?! xD
Lives in europe so.

haha, it's 10:37 pm here. xD

lol, what time is it ? :D

When does your school starts? : D

yeah, 3 weeks ago -.-'

YEAH....