MissD303 / Comments

you'd make a fabulous flight attendent :)

hahahha i guess just a tad! lol
anyways that sounds good to me.
whenever you catch a break
how was your bday though?

no offense but if you dont update i'll join in on the killing rampage! if you leave us hanging on this story there will be some SERIOUS issues my friend. im just saying! but ill always love you. no matter if you die or not! MWUAH!

GABBIE!
im in love with your stories!
i knew you could write but i didnt know you could write such addicting stories. they seem to appeal to the teenage mind. I wonder why?! jk
cant wait to read more hun!!!

HAHAHHAHA NO! I never lied! It's SARCASM!
I tend to use it often. Wow, you're thick.
I would go over it, though. I sent some to my friend Jack, and he picked out some things that i didn't care to read. Like in this line:Poor Mr. Larson, he has no idea Chris’ listing to his music….his extremely loud…music.
The corrections would look like this: Poor Mr. Larson has no idea that Chris is listening to his music, which is extremely loud. You may or may not need the comma between "music" and "which".
One: Saying "Chris'" immediately makes it a plural possessive noun. It's like saying that many Chris's are doing things. To make a name a conjunction with "is," you would do what I have just done. Also, I don't think "Chris" is listing his music anywhere. I would assume he's [i]listening[/i] to it. Also, how is he listening to it? Through the air? In his mind? There is no mention of a device, but I'm assuming that you've assumed the reader will guess it's an iPod or mp3 player of sorts, so I left it out as well.
Also, the word "conradulations" is spelt "congratulations" because the "t" is said like a "d."
The comment box wasn't working because I was in the process of editing my page.
It's not total garbage, and you have potential to fix it up and make it sound less elementary.
I've edited friends' works before. They trust me as an editor.

Actually, I understand the character's vernacular, but the rest of the story doesn't have to be written like a two year old. take [u]To Kill A Mockingbird[/u], for example. The dialect was completely different from the text, which made it a good book. (not saying I enjoyed it. It was written well.) Now, I'm still a teenager. XD I act like I'm older by using certain phrases or proper grammar, which is good to confuse people. I am one of the kids who is polite say for when I'm speaking with friends. Then, then I switch voices. And although I'm polite, for some reason adults hate me....*shrug*
And I didn't actually read your story. I couldn't. I can't stand reading stories that don't sound like they were written for a purpose. If you want me to actually read it and take it seriously, it needs to not sound like a 5th grader wrote it. I wrote better in the 5th grade than what I'm seeing there.
So, my critique would be for you to change the text to proper grammar, but for the dialogue, go ahead and speak "teen."
Actually, I started out with the little kids books until I moved on to teen fiction. I think my first teen fiction book was Libba Bray's [u]A Great and Terrible Beauty[/u]. Before that, when I was still in grade school, I was given adult fiction books. So, I've never really read them, say for a few because of inside jokes and such. Actually, I never had a chance to fully live out a teenage life. I feel immensely awkward trying to fit in with the crowed. Most of my friends are adult like, except for a few who can become serious and understand my level of thinking when they want. I do do stupid things, but I've learned not to quicker than most. I was corrected with my grammar as far back as I can remember, so I never really did. I always tried to have a perfect paper in English and have the best grammar in the class. That was just who I was.
The word is spelt transference.

Uhm...good point. That's why teen fiction makes me ill. Most teens aren't amusing, though. They're sickening.
Well, for starters, I'd take them all down and use microsoft word. hahahaha. Perfect the grammar. I can't read something with poor grammar. I once put down an insanely good book because it was translated poorly and had shitty grammar.

is it some dumbshit love story where she gets the guy in the end?
if it is...ugh.
and it has disgraceful grammar.

HELL YES

Which one? There happens to be two.

Hella yeah. How can you not tell? Duh I am! lol
Well, usually when I ask people what it's about, I ask for the theme. Like, "What's your story about?" "It's a helpless Romeo and Juliette tale." or
"A murder mystery." Y'know, genre and theme. Those things.

lol :P
i havent seen that movie :/

I'm really 30.
Shh.
I tend to get angered after being chill for so long so it's either I rant or I explode and become suicidal. I'll take ranting over that any day.
What type of story is yours, exactly?
The stories I tend to read don't tend to make sense until you sit and go, "OH YEAH!" or until you read it again and know how the author functions.

im cool Ms. G
what about you?

I'm technically not listening. I'm reading, so I would be seeing. Unless reading is listening now.
Mhm. I believe I've grown up too fast and tend to envy people who still are a kid but can be serious. I've been pressured and have had some experiences and personal searches in which I've uncovered more about myself than most people. I'm in a ranty mood. And I'll continue a journey of search until the end of my days, but I will always be one step ahead of the game, in my eyes.
And, I find it funny that after you decide to rant about yourself you ask me to read a story of yours. I'm a critic if you haven't noticed. I doubt you know me well enough to know if I will or will not enjoy a particular work of fiction.

lol :P

LMAO!!!!
I love your new story!!!
please please please update more!!!
I LOVE YOU!!!
jb.3o3.NsN.

Heehee.
Woot!!!!
Lol xP

lmfao
nahh i dont feel like it

lol basically nothing :P