I really like this and all of the feeling you put in it.
Just a little comment; you rhymed in a pattern for a while and then stopped and then got back into it. It didn't ruin the poem or anything just disrupted the flow of it. Maybe if you are going to do that you can break the whole thing up into stanzas that fit according to ryhme or just screw the ryhming.
Just a little comment; you rhymed in a pattern for a while and then stopped and then got back into it. It didn't ruin the poem or anything just disrupted the flow of it. Maybe if you are going to do that you can break the whole thing up into stanzas that fit according to ryhme or just screw the ryhming.
But really good! I like it!