The Death of Dawn - Comments

Having written this at 24 years of age, now 30, looking back, I'll allow it.

it's beast as hell man!

it reminds me of Annabel Lee, by Edgar Allen Poe, do you know it?

Wow. It's just ... There's just no way to describe this. I loved every verse, every stanza. You're truly amazing!

You are an amazing writer. I cannot describe how good this poem is in words. It's so full of emotion and you can tell that you truly wrote it from the heart. Amazing.

I don't think there is words to descibe how much I love this poem. It was fantastic. You are truly talented.

Before the empty alleyways,
That gallery of dying days,

i love love love love love love love love love love love love this with every fiber of my being. i love how emotional and well put together all of this is.

Yes this was better than some of your others but they are all good...you are a very talented writer..and I can't wait to see what else you post

Stunning. The last stanza was beautiful. I liked the flow of your words and the way you captured the emotion and tragedy is great- your imagery almost brought me to tears.

Then it’s over, and there it goes,
Down into the memory hole,
Where a dead rose wilted blows.
It’s beauty the beholder knows,
Which at the end of season goes,
And listless as the words that fall,
Just static scribbled on the wall.

I cried. beautifully detailed imagery, this tragic yet still beautiful sense of being there... How anyone can place so much emotion and darkness into mere printed word is beyond me.

I really liked it!
"Before the day when sad, I prayed,
Don’t let her leave this world.
Let her stay, live, laugh, and play.
Let live my flower girl,
To me she gleamed, like gold it seemed,
As bright as all the world."

was one of my favorite parts. You're very good at writing. It was really deep and moving. Well done Brandon. =]

"Every day she was away,
I knelt beside my bed to pray,
That my words might her death delay.
I only wished for one more night–
That she might see the moon shine bright.
She did not live, I’m sad to say,
And never saw another day.
After she fell into the night,
Between the worlds and out of sight,
I turned and silent walked away"

^^ My favorite stanza!
You're completely awesome.
This was kick ass.
And when i grow up, i want to be just like you. JOKE.
But i was taken by surprise by your intense vocabulary use.
Your words are written with wisdom, and confidence.
It's an amazing peice.
I would love it if i could get my work published.
But i doubt it's good enough. I guess it's a good thing i'm only in high school. i still have time to inhance my ability to portray my thoughts into great works of creativity.
You have great talent!
<3Vi.

This poem just WOWED me. It is so amazing. You writing deserves high praise.
I felt sad when reading this but that means your doing something rigth when it comes to writing and that is what makes you a good writer.
The emotions are strong, the choice of words are perfect, and I really like the length of the poem which brings on suspense; suspense is really good. I could go on and on about this poem but I think you get the point.

Absolutely amazing poem. You are just...amazing. As many people have said before me, the imagery in this poem is exquisite. I really would like to see more poems where you've "put more effort forth."

Oh my goodness! That was simply extravagant! As said before, the imagery was beautifully done with an awesome array of emotions! You, my friend, are a beautiful poet. You should really put more of your works up where you "tried harder" as you put it!
Beautiful [:

Wow. Just... wow.
I almost cried.
Not good, I'm in college...

Beautifully written, really, well done.
Tells such a story, so powerful.
Indredible writing. I loved it.
x

Wow! This is definitely one of my favorite poems by you. >w<

The imagery you use is so efficient! I could picture everything in my mind perfectly. I really like the going back and forth between the seemingly perfect lifestyle ("Life was our playground played") and the present.

My favorite stanzas are: the second in section III, the first in section V, and all of the stanzas in VIII.

This was such a powerful poem! If this was a real-life experience (which I assume it was, since you are included), I love your ability to convey your strong emotions into strong poetry. It was excellent! ^^