A Memoir Of Hands and Arms - Comments

I would say something awesome and fantastic but I should have been in bed six hours ago by my time, so instead I will agree with both two previous comments and leave you wondering as to what I really think... but I feel I must clarify that 'one me alone' made sense in my mind.... but that is all I shall say about my opinion.

Crayon Eater

Wordplay! Oh, Wordplay!
I love this poem. I think that to take a cliche like "oh, no, I'm alone and sad, help" and turn it into something original is truly a skill. I'm not going to critique it--I feel that ultimately, to make small choices for you is micromanaging what should be YOUR poem--but I will tell you that I love this poem. Kind of like a "Things They Carry" sort of deal.

I love this poem more than you can imagine. I literally let out a "Whoa" after I read it. I'm not just saying. Anyway, some tips. I think that you should maybe tweak it a little bit in the area of punctuation and some word choices.

In the beginning you used a hyphen where it wasn’t needed. I believe the phrase was almost-lovers. A hyphen is only needed when two words modify a third one. Ex) blue-gray shirt. Also, after the word hands in the second line, I think you meant to use a dash not a hyphen.

Also, when you use the word succeeding, I think “success” would work better. Just a suggestion.

I also think you could use some periods and semi colons in certain places. It would make it an easier read. Also, towards the end, I got confused. It was a line that read “for one me alone,”. I don’t know if that’s a Type O or if I’m just simply not getting it. I also think that maybe you don’t need that stanza break. It was confusing and it ruined the flow of the poem.

I hope you don’t think I’m being too hard. It’s just that this is such a fabulous poem that I know that all these thing are fixable because you obviously have way too much talent to look them over. I really, really love this poem. If I could kiss you for writing it, I would. That’s kind of weird. I’m stopping now. Peace and Love.