heylo, sorry this is so late! ive been writing this new story which you can have a read of if you like ^^ its called Mama Killed A Man.
so thanks a lot for adding to this poem, you created a whole new conclusion that i didnt see coming and i know a lot of people can relate to it, which is what poetry is all about right? i like the message you're sending =]
next time think about using some literary devices, like imagery, similes, alliteration etc.
i like the way you've used repetition in this with "i wont stop you, i wont save you" and i think this has proved rather effective at emphasizing the emotion ^_^
really lovely, emotive start! but yeah you need to elaborate. we want to know why you can't save whoever. message me if you do decide to make it longer because i'd really like to have a read ^^
so thanks a lot for adding to this poem, you created a whole new conclusion that i didnt see coming and i know a lot of people can relate to it, which is what poetry is all about right? i like the message you're sending =]
next time think about using some literary devices, like imagery, similes, alliteration etc.
i like the way you've used repetition in this with "i wont stop you, i wont save you" and i think this has proved rather effective at emphasizing the emotion ^_^