Hello Dollface - Comments

Amazing.


O=

this is one of my favoritess. i love it<33

Thank you ^_^

This is definitely one of the better poems around here. It would be even better if you used punctuation however. Because like this it feels too much like ramble. And another thing you perhaps could consider would be to divide this poem into four stanzas, each with four lines. It works either way however but poems are supposed to have a metrical structure (which is one thing that sets it apart from prose).

Most of the time I’m not too fond of repetition of any kind because it almost always turn out blunt. But the way you repeated “bones” and “Theses” worked fine as did the repetition of “I’ll” whilst “and soon” just came of as repetitive and uncreative to me. The first two gives the poem a certain tone, the last doesn’t.

I love the imagery and think you did well with the rhymes. It didn’t feel forced or blunt and gave the poem a nice flow. I also have to say that I love the title. And my favourite part was: [i]Hold me up, the puppet I am//So willing and eager to take your hand//I’ll kiss you with my painted lips//I’ll press to you my plastic hips.[/i] It has great metaphors and a nice rhythm, the repetition works and the rhyme is great.

While most of the rhymes where great I didn’t really care for the “stare/dare” one. It came of as a bit forced to me.

All of this is just my opinion though, so keep that in mind.

Overall this poem was great. I like it a lot. You’ve got talent so keep writing! :D

i like this
very good! =]

i wish i could write like you..
lol

This is amazing.