HEART.LESS (zakry si oči) - Comments

i really enjoyed reading this poem."heartless",you mean "heartfelt".i can't even explain the purity of this poem.yet,its simple enough to understand.i do think maybe another title would have been a better choice.all the other aspects of writing poetry you have met.awesome poem!

Can I marry your poem?? I am speechless. Really...
These are my favorite type of poems. The ones where you have to sit and stew over them for a while to understand their meaning, but I don't even know where to start here. So I agree with FallingGracefully. I think this poem was written for the writer more than the reader. That's okay though. Because sometimes those are the best poems. I think it's because so much emotion is put into it...and you aren't writing it for the intention of other people reading it, but so you could let some of that emotion flood onto paper. I'm not sure if that's what happened here, but i love the poem. And now for the interpreting part...

Oh my god. One and only criticism: change the title. I was totally expecting something less, so much less. The images I have...I think my gratitude that you wrote this transcends words. I kind of want to keyboard smash in ecstasy.jkfdsjkadfskjlfadskjlasdf
"time to chew meat now/to consume games and worship aces." AKK perfection.
Also the last stanza was soo divine and the last line in particular. Like I said, pretty wordless. I know I only understand the feelings of gluttony, secrets, manipulations, idleness, and attaching them to vivid images.
I'm assuming that this poem is not meant to tell a story like a prose, like rhyme, like some other things I've seen done or attempted, feebly. I'm assuming its meant to dance a dark, feral dance. And I have, and I loved it.

criticism : Several times within this I had to go back and reread, then reinterpret the line in order for it to make since. It seemed to be written in such a way that it’s not meant to be understood. It’s like it was written more for the writer than the reader. As a reader I don’t quite know how to interpret it, and the suggestions are too ambiguous for me to find the theme through all of your metaphors. My advice, be more obvious. Extended metaphors are great, and maybe it’s me, but I’ve got no idea what’s going on. Also I tend to shy away from free verse poems like this. They seem to have less rhythm to me. Some poets can pull it off, but I can’t pick up on your rhythm too well during this.

compliments: I like them “unlocking” their questions. And the “to make something out of nothing is the attribute of a chef”. Also “unfolded; unwritten and unprinted” has a nice rhythm and alliteration to it. There is a lot of suggestion, and some beautiful imagery. The short lines were the highlight of the poem for me.

Overall I don’t think I’m the right kind of reader for this poem. Maybe I think in a different level, but I can’t seem to figure this out. I’m sorry

woah.......
i think this is my favorite poem ive read on here.....
so.... wow........ the metaphors, creepy,the way i just wanted to continue reading it forever....
i love ur shorter lines
starting with I am the world unfolded
love that line too...
wonderful job!!!!!!!!

I have to say this poem is very interesting and thought provoking, and I adore the metaphors you use. Particularly the third eye one, and the one about the days.
I had to read it a few times, I'll admit, to work out what it was actually about, though. And I'm still not completely sure, but the way I saw it was it's about the transparency of the world these days, and how decorated and corrupt everything is. I might be wrong, but that's how I interpreted it.
I love the effect of the shorter lines as the poem progresses, and how the last line is on its own. It's a very intriguing line. It's like an answer, but it still leaves so many questions.
The only thing I have to suggest is maybe changing the structure on some lines, because at points the really lengthy lines disrupt the flow.

Really amazing poem!