Pause. - Comments

Wow..Thats very good. Its really deep.....=]
I wish I could write half as good as you.

I like the way you put the poem together, the shortness and the abruptness of it ending gave it a great feel. I like the feeling of it very much.
Good work

wow that's really deep. i love it. =]

I found it interesting how you ended each line with a period instead of a comma. I liked it. It made each sentence seem to stand on its own and gave it a real definitive feel. Like the sentences seemed to hold more weight with a period on the end rather then a comma.
I loved the beginning part. with the repetition of the word keep. Might have been interesting if you had balanced it out with the word take somewhere. I mean the last paragraph was sorta the balance to that, the 'take' if you will, but you didnt use the word take... I like the repetitions though. Like the last three things start with the. the rain, the ice, the blood. I liked that.
I dont know if you created a pattern purposefully or if it just flows like that. but I can see a pattern.
The whole poem makes me feel sad in general although the 'speaker' doesnt seem sad. Its sorta like a fuck you to who ever they are speaking to. Like a 'you'll miss me when Im gone' type of thing. I cant help but feel the speaker is sorta eager for it to happen to which is what makes me sad.