Puppet Bearer - Comments

criticism: I wouldn’t use the word metaphorical in your poetry. Let it be assumed rather than telling it. Also I would use a different word than undoubtedly in the 6th line. I would suggest changing the 16th line to ‘in a thousand different directions’ for more parallelism.

compliments: If you look at all my criticisms they’re mainly about little things, almost more preferences than actual criticisms. That’s because I couldn’t find much to criticize in the many times I read your poem. It’s great, just wonderful. The imagery you used was beautiful and the metaphor was beautifuk. You painted the picture vividly for me. The topic of the poem is so relatable and you communicate it to the reader beautifully and clearly. I seemed to be using the word beautiful a lot. It’s just a great poem. Love it.

This is absolutely amazing.
The first 4ish lines are so strong that you can't help but read further and further.

I also really like the line "the poor puppet's too forcefully bound", which is how a lot of readers feel. Everyone at some point in their life has felt this way and its wonderful how you've used the imagery of a puppet. It makes it easy for readers to relate to you.

This is wonderfully written, I read it like six times just because I couldn't get enough of it:)
I love love loveeeeee this poem and the rest of your work!
For the sake of Mibba, write more:)

Poem Review Thread :)


Those last three lines really capture the essence of the poem. I read them, and then it makes me go back and re-read the poem, just to see if I can catch anything else. They're just so intoxicating, they just make you think.

It took me a while to understand the metaphorical image you were talking about, but I've got it now :) (Otherwise this comment would be discussing how I failed to see the metaphorical image).

And you've definitely tied it in well. Most definitely. Those first four lines give the scenario and those last three lines create the image the reader is meant to be looking for, which is a lovely technique I think you've done quite well.

In the third line, 'that,' should be, 'who,' because in the backdrops of the poem, you're talking about a being - and a being isn't a 'that,' rather a 'who.' Also, the first word of that sentence shouldn’t be capitalized because you haven’t used a full stop in the previous line.

The fourth line should either end in a full stop or one of these ‘-‘.

The seventh line should end in a full stop.

The ninth line should have a lower case ‘s,’ at the beginning of the sentence.

[i] that no one can barely hear;[/i], this line kind of reads funny, I think you should word it differently, maybe something like: that one can barely hear; I don’t know, that’s just a possibility.

Lines 18 and 19 should somehow be tied together, something like:
“but to fall -
painful that may be.”
Because the full stop indicates that something new is being brought into the poem – I just think the full stop was in the wrong place.

Other than that, I admire the imagery you’ve used. I liked the example of a puppet being tied with ropes and yanked along and forced to be something in someone else’s dream/life. I like how it alludes to the idea that sometimes you don’t have that ability to break free from those strings and you’re forced to live someone else’s dream, like children forced into beauty pageants by vicarious mothers. :)

I love the message contained throughout the piece.

It’s a lovely write.

I love it. :D Good wording and I rather enjoy the meaning. :)

Not bad at all... Really liked it (:
only "a real wander " WONDER.. With an 'O' :)