Death - Comments

V thanks,and sorry for the loss

i think this is beautiful.
i kind of relate, it's like when my mom was in the hospital, something inside me knew it was going the wrong way, but until i saw her at the funeral did it hit me,, she was gone. :(

Like it very much, sad but with feel..

V. thanks :)

Wow... so vivid and sad. I love your description, very dark yet beautiful.

i will,thanks :)

This is also really good. It was like a story! But a very poetic and sad one. You had me hanging on every word, it was really good.

I did notice some mistakes, though.

[i]but i heard him loud and clearly
as anic filled his body[/i] - I think you should say 'clear' instead of 'clearly', and I think you mean 'panic', not anic xP

Also, remember to capitalize your I's. :)