This was pretty good, but there are some bits that need a little work. I liked the words you used and the rhymes, except for in stanza 4 and 5. The words [i]‘bird’[/i] and [i]‘endure’[/i] and the words [i]‘blur’[/i] and [i]‘sure’[/i] don’t rhyme. But that could just be how I say those words. It didn’t exactly flow well but it wasn’t so bad. I liked the story and I especially liked stanza 2 and the ending. It was sweet. It’s also original; I don’t think I’ve read anything about the same subject, and I love that! This was a lovely poem, only needing a bit of editing, in my opinion anyway.
February 1st, 2012 at 08:13am
