Danger, danger - Comments

  • AmorarEsDeVivir

    AmorarEsDeVivir (100)

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    The opening stanza works great, and I love the repetition in "jagged, so jagged." It sets the tone for the poem right away.

    Your use of description going into the second stanza; the action phrase of skin "morphing," the description of thin cloth and the "pointed edges" of affliction; the language there is great.

    The parenthetical lines, I have missed feelings about--the first one didn't work for me. The second was better. The third seems to fit in so seamlessly and perfectly, though, and I really liked it, and it made the first couple work a little better in context, I think. I also like the "broken shards of some...feeling of safety;" it's an interesting visual. And the contrast between "fine weave" and "thick-skinned" is interesting, too.
    April 17th, 2012 at 05:20am
  • A Polite Delight

    A Polite Delight (100)

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    its such a shame you haven't had more readers for this, it's good.
    March 17th, 2012 at 10:42pm