Our Open Hearts - Comments

@ The Doctor
But when an author loses the iambic metre by accident, it's the most annoying thing ever >.>

@ Join the Masquerade
You're welcome. And it's a nice alliteration, though! I love alliteration more than anything. That, and iambic meter that purposely goes off to shock the reader.

@ The Doctor
Thank you :)
I know, I hate that pucker up line. It doesn't sound right because it's not in perfect iambic metre. But, fixing it was too much effort at the time haha.

This is cleverly written. I love the rhythm, although I think the "To pucker up with your lips pursed" doesn't flow as well as the rest. Each word is selected nicely. No words pop out as not fitting in with the general context, and I'm given a nice description of how you are feeling. I kind of wish there were more imagery? The first two phrases have the most imagery and depth. Deflating sensations, the eyelids falling, bursting with words. All literary devices, but also a bit common. Not trying to offend. The deflating sensations was a completely unique phrase that you came up with, but falling eyelids, open hearts, and bursting with words are phrases I have read elsewhere.

All in all, I like this poem a lot. Especially when you said "I sometimes feel it's like we've cursed our open hearts." Beautiful. Most powerful line because it is unexpected, and who doesn't love the unexpected? =P Keep up the good work!

Oh my! This is so sweet and cute. I really enjoyed reading this because it was beautifully put together; the rhymes are great and not obvious, so thank you for recommending it to me :')

@ aubs
Thank you very much for the feedback :)

I just want to say that is poem is just super, uber adorable. Like, oh my gosh, it had my heart fluttering. I just can't tell you how much I love this poem. And the fact that the poem rhymes makes me love this more!

You are very welcome :D

@ Crashing_Demon_666
Thank you very much :3

This was very well written. I must clap you :)