Lost - Comments

No I love the critical comments please comment more! :)

@ dfident
Oooo~ Didn't even think of "they're"! Good pick! And sorrrrryyyy. >//< I went in to correction/teacher mode. I love it even you don't add anything. <3

@ Meru21
Yes Sensei. :) Haha that is exactly what I was going for. And wonderful suggestion! I like the idea... I might use they're... yet who is they? ;D

@ dfident
I don't want you to change the whole line--it's the most important one, after all. I just think you should add either "I'm" or "it's" to it so that it reads "Because I'm lost forever" or "Because it's lost forever". I prefer "it's" in all honesty because it still leaves the meaning up to the reader. "I'm" is definitive and decided. It sounds like you're purposefully trying to be a little more vague, so you don't want to direct the reader too much. I could be wrong, though. O.o

@ Meru21
i did... however i did it that way in the first writing by hand and looked at it and felt more symbolic but it also felt glitchy as you said. it makes no sense... But i felt like it is up to the reader to make sense of it... But i agree I should change it! :) Hmmm what do you suggest to?

I'm sorry that you had to go through something that made you feel this way. I really am. Words sometimes aren't enough to describe that feeling of emptiness and loss, but you did a very good job. One question, though: Ninth line down. . I'm not sure if you missed a word or it's on purpose, but "because lost forever" doesn't make a whole lot of sense and it's the most impacting line, but seems glitch-y in comparison to the rest of the poem. Did you do that on purpose, love?