Brilliant! 
May 2nd, 2013 at 12:33am
You are very talented! My absolute favorite stanzas were the first and last two, the others were great, but they are all so long. You definately got across your view and you did it well, but I feel there is definately room for growth, to make the piece stronger. There are complicated emotions here that are hinted at, but the full effect is lost and that could just be because it's written from an outside view... I wish there was something specific I could give you, but there's just something missing. Just play around with it and see what you can do. I want to give you more, but its one of those things that's almost intangible that you need to find...I hope you understand what I mean. I look forward to what you come up with and to read more work by you!
~Keep writing!!