October 28th, 2013 at 11:17am
Here for the contest.
This is a really scary poem, but that's what your intent was and it's very good! You've captured the essence of someone going mad and taking the life of another. Your poem was really expressive and I love how descriptive you are with your words. I can feel all the emotions that were being conveyed in the narration. It makes me wonder what drove the narrator to do this act.
Great job on the poem. It's one of my favorites so far. I'm now excited for Halloween and this poem did it's job at sending chills down my spine.
I really like how this is more of a psychological / crime poem than anything, but it still ties in wonderfully with the contest! It works really well with the photograph as well, which is pretty amazing. It really does seem like we're following the narrator on their downward spiral throughout, which is really nice. The language is simple and everything flows really well, you've got a really nice rhyming scheme that makes this really effortless to read.
In regards to the language itself, like I said above, you've used really simple language and I think that works fantastically well. Watching the narrator devolve, I get the feeling that he / she wouldn't be in the right state-of-mind and the language you've used just adds so much to that and makes everything that little bit more realistic. It's a little touch, but it makes the world of difference to the whole poem. I kind of feel like justice has been served when I reach the end as well even though it has this really darkened undertone to it.
This was a really interesting poem and I loved all of the little dark things that you weaved into it throughout. Great job!