For the fourth line it should be 'you're' not 'your'. And the seventh line reads very awkwardly. Do you mean 'fading to dust'?
I like the premise of the story but the way it's punctuated and broken up makes it incredibly awkward to read. There's no flow to it and it's incredibly choppy. But otherwise I think it has potential.
I like the premise of the story but the way it's punctuated and broken up makes it incredibly awkward to read. There's no flow to it and it's incredibly choppy. But otherwise I think it has potential.