October 3rd, 2014 at 07:04am
Alright, so I enjoyed the poem and can relate quite well to it as I was once like this as well but the poem seemed a bit choppy when I read it because of the way you broke up the poem's stanzas. Some of the sentences just seemed to stop in strange places which is what lead it to being hard for the flow to be smooth.
The layout that is on this piece definitely doesn't take away from the poem which I think is important. I don't see anything you could change here.
When I say all of this please keep in mind, I am in no way a poet as I fail miserably at writing them so I'm only telling you this as a reader.
Oh wow wow wow, I read two, Angles and this one, but I wanted to give you a comment that Candy Bowl hadn't gotten to, yet. Both pieces are beautiful and I really love the way you write. It's really flowing and smooth and full of great details and emotion. I really enjoyed reading what I have so far.