Hi, judge's comment here! Let me start off by saying that this is an incredibly unique poem style: I don't think I've ever read anything quite like this. I feel like it gives you a very good sense of the story; not just it's premise, but the style and emotion as well. One correction I would see to make is in the line third from the bottom. You have it as Love brought from the darkness, Into the light., where it should be Love brought from the darkness, into the light. It's just a small capitalization error, but I thought you'd like to know. Also another suggestion might be to put the last line in quotation marks since it's spoken, but I suppose it could also be a stylistic choice to keep it as you have it.
I really appreciate your style and voice in this piece; it's not only unique as I stated before, but also very bold (haha) But really, the point stands. Also, the disconnected pieces, as you have phrases generally cut severely with periods, still flow very well and read cohesively. Overall you did a fantastic job with this poem, and should be very proud of your work!
I really appreciate your style and voice in this piece; it's not only unique as I stated before, but also very bold (haha