I must say I absolutely LOVE this piece!!! I got a chill that permeated my whole body and refused to dissipate until the very end. Such power exists in these words! I have one critique, however. There were a few times when the flow of the piece felt disrupted and this happened when your rhyme scheme vanished. It wasn't so apparent when the scheme changed (probably because the rhyme was still there), but when it was missing completely. One of the reasons I don't write in rhyme is for this exact possibility (and I'm just really bad at rhyming). When writing in rhyme it is important to keep the rhyme and not let it slip away from you. Other than that, though, this was a beautiful piece! ~Keep writing!!!
~Keep writing!!!