Summer Paradise? - Comments

@ Airi.
Thank you so much! (: As I mentioned to the other judge, the line breaks are something that I am still experimenting with. It is something that I do need to work on so thank you for pointing it out.

I also want to thank you for the compliments you gave this poem because I truly thought that they were kind and they made me smile, so thank you so very much!

I'm here as a judge for the Magazine's Summer Time contest.

Firstly, I want to apologize for how late this comment came. Between my schedule and Mibba's recent slowness, it's been near impossible to find a time where Mibba is working fast enough and I've actually got the free time to type out a full comment for the entries. So I do apologize for the delay. ^.^

I really liked the way this poem flowed from being happy and reminding people of how carefree summer is to how dreadful the season can be for some people depending on the circumstances. It was a nice flow between the two emotions and I think you made it work very well. Most poems tend to keep the same emotion going throughout the poem so it's sort of different to see a poem that changes that up a bit.

Personally, I also did like that this poem took a different take on summer than the usual happy feeling people typically give to the season. I think this poem serves as a good reminder that summer is not always what we expect to be and often times, it's not as happy as we imagine it being. So for you to take a bit of a darker take on the contest's subject was something that really appealed to me and made me enjoy the poem more.

The only thing that did throw me off is the same thing nearly witches pointed out. Your line breaks were very abrupt and at times, the flow seemed to broken along with the line breaks. It did take a bit away from the poem and made it seem a bit awkward in a few places.

However, overall, your poem was very good and it was a very nice you. You did quite well on it.

@ nearly witches.
Ohhh thank you so much for the comment. It was a risk writing this poem honestly and I wasn't sure how it would be perceived, so I'm glad you enjoyed it.

As for line breaks, it's something I'm constantly trying to master as a poet. It's hard work, and I can see how that would be something. I try to play with line breaks in all my poems, until I find what works best. So thanks for that feedback, it's something that I work on all the time, so it's great to have some words that touch on that.

Thank you so much again!

Hello! I'm here delivering an (albeit late) comment as a judge for the monthly Magazine contest!

This poem seems to send out a positive message at the beginning, then morphs into this horribly heartbreaking take towards the middle and end. It's an interesting take on what people associate with summer, which is this wonderfully carefree and childish attitude that you portray in the first chapter. Summer doesn't always mean that to everyone, though, and I think it's really lovely (or not so much, as the subject matter itself is heartbreaking) to read something that takes a commonly-used concept and changes it so much. It's almost like a window into another word and it's horrible to read, but so intriguing at the same time.

The only thing I disliked about this (and this is probably purely personal preference rather than anything) is the way that the lines are split up. Sometimes, I feel like ending the sentences the way you have makes them very sudden and jarring. Again though, that might purely be personal preference so it isn't something I'd dwell on too much. Awesome job!

@ MirageOnTheHorizon
Thank you soo much! It means so much to me that you enjoyed it! :)

Yes yes and yes soul. It was an awesome poem, a journey from the innocence of our youth, to the insanity that most of us go through with drugs and early adulthood in general. I liked it a lot.