Something from Nothing - Comments

I love this. It's so beautifully written. As soon as I saw the line it was a lie that only God could create something from nothing that you used as the short description, I knew I had to read this poem. I also really loved the extended theme of the walls, and the lines My thoughts were the stone. My thoughts were the mortar.
This is just such a powerful, powerful piece of writing.
(Also, if this is based on something you really went through; I'm so sorry, and I hope things will or have already gotten better for you.)

This was beautiful. It's also relateable. While not everyone may be able to relate the anxiety that comes with coming out to family or the moment of realizing you don't relate to the word of God like you were "supposed" to be, just the idea of it all is such a strong topic.

"My thoughts were the stone.
My thoughts were the mortar.
With just my thoughts, I have built walls
that will never come down."

No matter what a reader has gone through, we all have things going on and we try to protect and distance ourselves from it. The first, opening part was my favorite though, when you specifically used the idea of thoughts in relation to a great castle being guarded. You have an amazing way with words and I loved every second of this.

This is great! I love the way you've structured this and find the words themselves to be intriguing. I love how you repeat the word "walls" over and over again. By doing so, I just interpreted it and felt like there were so many walls that it was like a maze or something? It actually made me feel really small and alone, personally. That second stanza where you talk about religion was nicely done and I think a lot of us can relate to that. I grew up a Roman Catholic, but now I don't really do anything religious at all. My mom always tries to get me to go to church, but I just don't want to and it just really hit home for me.

As you go on with this poem, it's like her world is still relating back to God and how he can only be the one to "fix her", but then she fixes herself. Then when you bring up the walls again, I feel like instead of them being a maze, they're like a security blanket that make her herself and make her a strong individual.

I'm not sure if that's what you're going for with this poem, but that was how I interpreted it. I enjoy this and thought it was very well written and composed. Honestly, poetry isn't my strong suit, but I don't think there's a thing wrong with this. I loved it! Great job!

This poem is a great poem. I loved it because I guess I can connect with it, My parents are big believers in The Lord and Jesus Christ and yes I do believe but I'm not a huge believer. I'm also bisexual and when my parents found out they were sad but didn't hate me for it, so I think this poem is amazing. I cannot write like this, you have got to teach me some time!

This poem is a great poem. The structure and the flow is beautiful. This poem reflects on real life and it's something so many can relate to and that's what I love about it. I love the fact that you write about truth. It's just a great, great, great poem and your wording is beautiful.

My thoughts were the stone. My thoughts were the mortar. This is my favourite it's just... there are no words to describe how fantastic they sound. They make a statement. They finish this off so well :).

All in all a fantastic poem about reality :)

I really really love this. I love the title, I love the way it flows, the honesty; I love the lines "My thoughts were the stone. My thoughts were the mortar."

I'm sorry your mom wasn't supportive, but I'm glad that you didn't let it get you down.

This is extremely powerful, and the structure is great, your way with words really puts emphasis on the whole thing, and it's just all over a great piece of writing.

This is gorgeous. Wow. I am seriously amazed. I promise you, I am not just being nice. I am never "just nice" in my comments, but I seriously cannot think of a single critique. Your style is perfect - everything from the figurative language to the construction itself. It flows so easily from the first paragraph to the middle paragraphs about the story itself and back to the ending. There is no break in the mood or flow despite the construction shifting. This is so carefully crafted and truly a product to take pride in.

Besides technique and all that, the language of the poem was very pulling. I was sucked into this little world and I really FELT it. I could visualize those walls, I could see that story, I could feel the victory at the end. Poetry - good poetry - demands to be felt and seen; this goes above and beyond in that respect.

So I would take the 'the' from 'My thoughts made the catapult that defends this castle; the' and put it with the next line.. maybe move the 'the' on the next line down too. Then again I know next to nothing about poetic structure.

The second stanza, about relegion hits me hardest just because you basically described how I feel about church minus the heathen part. And After reading the third stanza I feel the need to say even though I don't like church I am still a believer....

As for the rest of the poem. Your words are powerful. Even though some of the emotions are not very well veiled they run much deeper than you know. The anger, the sadness, there's even a hint of shame at one point, but I don't think there should be any shame (its a good part of the poem though so I'm not going to tell you to change it.)

And your ending. Is perfect. I love the stone/mortar walls that have been built (you used those same lines in the first stanza) so it's only natural that you make those words stronger by saying the walls will never come down. The trust issues portrayed in that is absolutely breathtaking.

Okay, sorry for the really long comment. I don't know much about poetry, so I can only tell you how it makes me feel, but this is beautiful. Good work :)