To begin with, I really like your poem. I think it's strong, I think it paints a clear picture of one moment-5:14 A.M.
Here are some critiques I have (they're small, really-nothing big):
1) 5am is for the quiet people. The not so great at lying people.
So, with some of your lines, as the ones shown above, you'll put a period and then start the next verse. I feel like this is choppy, and it distracts the reader a little bit. My suggestion is to put a comma after the first line, then continue on with the next one, and continue to do this with the other lines.
2) 5am is for the quiet people, D'you know what I mean?
I'm not a huge fan of how the last line looks. I know, super nit picky and all, but I personally think that you should either:
(a) put a period after 'people' and make 'D'you know what I mean?' an entirely separate line (I know that would break your pattern of four, but I feel like it might look better).
(b) put a dash between 'people' and 'D'you.'
Like I said, not a whole lot of critiques. I mainly had nit picky changes, but overall, your poem was great!
To begin with, I really like your poem. I think it's strong, I think it paints a clear picture of one moment-5:14 A.M.
Here are some critiques I have (they're small, really-nothing big):
1) 5am is for the quiet people.
The not so great at lying people.
So, with some of your lines, as the ones shown above, you'll put a period and then start the next verse. I feel like this is choppy, and it distracts the reader a little bit. My suggestion is to put a comma after the first line, then continue on with the next one, and continue to do this with the other lines.
2) 5am is for the quiet people, D'you know what I mean?
I'm not a huge fan of how the last line looks. I know, super nit picky and all, but I personally think that you should either:
(a) put a period after 'people' and make 'D'you know what I mean?' an entirely separate line (I know that would break your pattern of four, but I feel like it might look better).
(b) put a dash between 'people' and 'D'you.'
Like I said, not a whole lot of critiques. I mainly had nit picky changes, but overall, your poem was great!