this is very good. is it a song? it seemed like a song. but if it's not a song, you could have done a better job at making the syllables line up. but if it's a song, then it doesn't matter.
i liked the story, i liked the way you worded it, i liked the rhyming. the chorus was my favorite part. the one thing i didn't like was that your first word was "cause" because you had nothing to give a reason for, since it was the very first line. if you put it there just to make it flow, you could have picked a word that made sense
overall, very good. i liked it a lot. well written =)
i liked the story, i liked the way you worded it, i liked the rhyming. the chorus was my favorite part. the one thing i didn't like was that your first word was "cause" because you had nothing to give a reason for, since it was the very first line. if you put it there just to make it flow, you could have picked a word that made sense
overall, very good. i liked it a lot. well written =)