Tears of Malice, Pain, & Desire. - Comments

  • Matt Smith

    Matt Smith (900)

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    I love the way you use rhyme without making it seem forced or child-like. Such as 'the road is long/and rather weary/but never shall her eyes grow dreary.' It seeems to fit really naturally.

    I'm not sure what you mean by 'she prays for understand', though - or maybe I'm just reading it wrong?

    I also think the way you isolated the last word, 'deliverance', was really effective.
    August 13th, 2008 at 09:56pm
  • angiesaysrelax

    angiesaysrelax (100)

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    wow, this is really good
    i think the honesty of it
    July 2nd, 2008 at 05:12pm