Fear Of Goodbye - Comments

  • LiSwtSLaS

    LiSwtSLaS (100)

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    Member
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    Age:
    30
    Location:
    Canada
    This is great. Short simple and yet it holds its own. One thing I picked out though is that you have a line that reads: "Before I go tell me that you love me" I believe there should be a comma between "go" and "tell". Also at the end instead of "if I will die" I think it would sound more final if it was changed to "when I will die". Besides that it is very well written.

    - Crayon Eater
    January 1st, 2009 at 11:32pm