1st stanza:
Great rhythm in the first stanza. Nice wording and good rhyming. Isn’t “like ghost in the snow” from one of MCR songs though?
2nd stanza:
Great imagery and flow. Simple words and simple rhyme, but it works real well.
3rd stanza:
Really love the first lines! They’re brilliant! But the flow is off and the rhyme doesn’t really flow smoothly. Unfortunately I think it’s the second line that messes it up. Even though the amount of syllables and words in this stanza follows a pattern I think it’s the fact that “invincible” has four syllables that makes the flow of the whole stanza uneven.
4th stanza:
Really pretty metaphors. Once again the rhythm is nice. The two “and” feels slightly repetitive though.
5th stanza:
Here you didn’t have a rhyme. All your other stanzas have them but this one doesn’t. It’s a no-no to break the rhyming pattern like this =P. Lovely imagery and phrasing however.
6th stanza
Same complements as I have given previous stanzas.
7th stanza:
Here the flow is a bit of again. And forest is spelled with one ‘r’.
8th stanza:
That this stanza also starts with ‘and’ feels a bit repetitive.
9th stanza:
Here you repeat both ‘and’ and ‘old’.
Just gotta say that I love the word ‘dwindling’ (for the way it sounds) :mrgreen:
10th stanza:
Just too many ‘and’. Love the ending though, it finishes off the poem real well.
Overall it’s an awesome poem. I don’t know if it’s too much like MCR lyrics but I hope it isn’t. Inspiration is great, plagiarism sucks. And I'm not accusing you of it :)
Great rhythm in the first stanza. Nice wording and good rhyming. Isn’t “like ghost in the snow” from one of MCR songs though?
2nd stanza:
Great imagery and flow. Simple words and simple rhyme, but it works real well.
3rd stanza:
Really love the first lines! They’re brilliant! But the flow is off and the rhyme doesn’t really flow smoothly. Unfortunately I think it’s the second line that messes it up. Even though the amount of syllables and words in this stanza follows a pattern I think it’s the fact that “invincible” has four syllables that makes the flow of the whole stanza uneven.
4th stanza:
Really pretty metaphors. Once again the rhythm is nice. The two “and” feels slightly repetitive though.
5th stanza:
Here you didn’t have a rhyme. All your other stanzas have them but this one doesn’t. It’s a no-no to break the rhyming pattern like this =P. Lovely imagery and phrasing however.
6th stanza
Same complements as I have given previous stanzas.
7th stanza:
Here the flow is a bit of again. And forest is spelled with one ‘r’.
8th stanza:
That this stanza also starts with ‘and’ feels a bit repetitive.
9th stanza:
Here you repeat both ‘and’ and ‘old’.
Just gotta say that I love the word ‘dwindling’ (for the way it sounds) :mrgreen:
10th stanza:
Just too many ‘and’. Love the ending though, it finishes off the poem real well.
Overall it’s an awesome poem. I don’t know if it’s too much like MCR lyrics but I hope it isn’t. Inspiration is great, plagiarism sucks. And I'm not accusing you of it :)