I'm Dead in Your Eyes

As dusk falls ever so gently
Clearing ground for night to stand
I lay, pretend to be resting
When in truth I mourn inside

Alone, breathing from a dark room
Flailing soul and body still
Wandering if my path misled me
To these devastated fields

Fields of never-ending sadness
Where peace I set out to achieve
It’s true I wanted to find darkness
But wasn’t expecting to bleed

Naive thinking, you might say
I’m an unexperienced brat
And can’t help it if I’m too young
To understand the matted maps

Those which promise precious silence
Time to admire the grand sun rise
Yet lead to this inner violence
As no eyes reflect on mine

No company thins my sorrow
No shoulder to lay my head
After long days of pure grieving
Nothing to look up ahead

Goals my lethargy dismisses
Roads my legs refuse to walk
Trapped in a heartache so causeless
My own mind begins to mock

Ridiculous isolation
Do I want you to go away?
I asked life to give me loneliness
Is it rude if I complain?

My humanity, so earthbound
Always thinks I should relate
On the other hand, conviction
Yells at me to get away

Go far, beyond the horizon
Find myself a lovely scene
Where I may sit without loathing
So painfree, like in a dream

But even then I fear deeply
That this blessing sheds no light
And would even make me weary
If no one sits by my side

Every time I look at someone
They seem scared and dodge my sight
I don’t know if I’m right to hate them
But it sure feels like it might

I’m not here to be understood
They shall take my words as lies
Yet it still hurts like a stab wound
When on me they feast their eyes

Their eyes covering their weak thoughts
Their vile shooting down my dream-quest
I’m dead in their eyes, I know this
Fade to black, my only real rest.