She's So Pretty

Shes so pretty when shes lonely
so unlike me, so plain and homely
and so I sit here, oh if only-
life had something more to show me

The toil, the stress, the hopelessness
is all I see, all I have to possess
all I can hope for, nowhere near what I obsess
life, for me, is just a goddamn mess

Worse than a mess... I dont mean to complain-
but its all I can do to not go insane
I just want to free myself, I can no longer strain-
and keep staying alive... I've gotta break this chain...

I hate love, I'll spit on its face
this weaker part, this is a disgrace
it left me behind, with only pain to replace-
and fill the hole where it was, only memories give it chase...

I hate life, I'll stomp on its head
its a synonym for pain, I wish I was dead
its just disappointment, its all so misled
what the hell is my purpose? Why should I get outta bed?

I'm here to suffer? I'm here to cry?
Well, f**k my maker, I'm just here to die
I'll call the undertaker, he'll hear my goodbyes
Im surprised they weren't said yet, how'd I even try?

All Ive ever had is this f**ked up mind
filled with all the bad things I cant leave behind
I cant free myself, I just struggle, blind
I cant see any hope because theres nothing to find

There is no good, there is no salvation
all there is is pain, and such a temptation-
to hurt yourself... bleed in formation
to curse yourself... I curse creation...

But shes so pretty when shes crying
and Im still so ugly as Im dying
if only I could keep from lying-
to myself and just stop trying...

And here comes the headaches, here comes the chill
here comes all the things I try so hard to kill
and here comes her face. Well, there goes my will-
another mouthful of NyQuil and a drug coated sugar pill

When Im wishing for there to be monsters in the dark-
some gruesome beast with bloody claws to rip out my heart-
shes in my mind, shes in my head, somehow she left her mark
she makes me smile, makes life feel worthwhile, my pretty meadowlark

When Im alone and feel like playing the violin with my wrists-
shes the only thing that holds me back, that makes me want to exist
even though Im so disgusting, a shriveled, pain-filled cyst
Im worried that in my afterlife somehow she will be missed

Shes so pretty when shes bleeding
I sit here, watching, waiting, needing-
a kiss from her, its so misleading-
the twists and turns, and my weak pleading

In the center of the room, by herself without-
any reason, just like my heart when it starts to freak out
looking broken, just as quiet as my rusted old tear spout
so beautiful without knowing, so filled up with self-doubt

When Im alone and weak and willing away my constant pulse-
and Ive lost my mind at last, my shriveled lungs start to convulse-
shes my reason, my only answer, my life saving impulse
shes my steroid, she gives me strength, Ive got demons to repulse

Shes so pretty when she cowers-
from her own demons, when sweet goes sour
when she doesnt realize her own power
shes such a dove, my little love, my pretty wildflower

When I wish some famous killer would slit my throat from ear to ear
when I can hurt but when I want I cant shed a single tear
even when I think Im happy but deep down Im nowhere near-
she calms my nerves without knowing, even with her own fears

All alone again in the middle of the hall
all alone, once more, so in peace she can fall
she doesnt know she helps me stand so I dont have to crawl
she doesnt know that someway, somehow, shes gonna save us all

Shes so pretty when shes living
no matter how, when Im reliving-
my pain and hate, my life's misgivings
she saved my life, she keeps forgiving