Another awesome story :D hope this review can help in any way :P
The sun was shining not too shine. -- maybe it's just me, but I didn't understand this line, sorry >< is it supposed to be 'not too bright' ?? She really is the greatest girl you could ever know. She is the only angel in the entire human race to me. I love her from all my heart, from deep inside but does she love me now? I don’t think so. -- Awww these lines were so pretty, I loved them :D I saw the vase hit the floor hard, and it broke into million pieces, just like I felt that my heart fell and shattered into billion pieces. -- EPIC! I loved this line, the comparison and the imagery were just perfect. Well done! But I can hear the people screaming, and my world turning into a deep black of colors. -- Forboding :O I liked the way you ended it (kind of) here then started the memories again :D My heart turned blue, my sky turned to black, my world turned to grey. -- Another great line, I liked how you used color's which suggest sadness and bad etc etc. Great :D This is what she wants me to be, she wants me to die so I will grant her wish for it; she can stay that way. -- So sad :( But I like the way it's written, very psychological I want her last memories of us together to be ones of me showing I love her like no other. -- Where do you get these lines from?? They're so pretty An amazing story, so pretty, yet really sad. My only advice is watch your tenses. At some points you were in past tense, then slipped into present. Like; I smiled, as I saw a pool of blood below my stomach, I smile happily at them. See? You've gone from smiled, to smile. It can get a bit confusing, so just check over it, kay? Really liked it :D Well done
The sun was shining not too shine. -- maybe it's just me, but I didn't understand this line, sorry >< is it supposed to be 'not too bright' ??
She really is the greatest girl you could ever know. She is the only angel in the entire human race to me. I love her from all my heart, from deep inside but does she love me now? I don’t think so. -- Awww these lines were so pretty, I loved them :D
I saw the vase hit the floor hard, and it broke into million pieces, just like I felt that my heart fell and shattered into billion pieces. -- EPIC! I loved this line, the comparison and the imagery were just perfect. Well done!
But I can hear the people screaming, and my world turning into a deep black of colors. -- Forboding :O I liked the way you ended it (kind of) here then started the memories again :D
My heart turned blue, my sky turned to black, my world turned to grey. -- Another great line, I liked how you used color's which suggest sadness and bad etc etc. Great :D
This is what she wants me to be, she wants me to die so I will grant her wish for it; she can stay that way. -- So sad :( But I like the way it's written, very psychological
I want her last memories of us together to be ones of me showing I love her like no other. -- Where do you get these lines from?? They're so pretty
An amazing story, so pretty, yet really sad.
My only advice is watch your tenses. At some points you were in past tense, then slipped into present. Like; I smiled, as I saw a pool of blood below my stomach, I smile happily at them. See? You've gone from smiled, to smile. It can get a bit confusing, so just check over it, kay?
Really liked it :D Well done
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