The way this is written brings out the emotions of that child to the maximum and that's a great way to get the readers attention.
She killed me, you see. My own mother wrapped her hands around my little throat and squeezed the life right out of me. You got me here. I can imagine the narrator sayng this words to another person, the sadness behind their eyes and the tone they would have spoken with.
I always thought my mommy loved me. And that's the harsh reality. Don't all kids think like that when it comes to their parents?
She smelled funny, my mommy. That night that she killed me, she smelled bad. I cried and begged for my little life, but was ignored as she just squeezed tighter than before. I like how you showed us she was drunk without telling us. Well done!
I still do not understand why my mommy hated me, but it matters no more. Tonight, I have my revenge. They are burying her next to me as she finally allowed her guilt overtake her. I have spent the past 20 years making sure that she never forgot me, and now she'll be with me once again... The ending was just fantastic. It didn't matter anymore, because it was time for the narrato's revenge, which was nothing more than their dead bodies laying next to each other, spending their afterdeath lives together.
If I have to comment on your writing abilities alone, then this gets nine and a half writing pens out of ten.
She killed me, you see. My own mother wrapped her hands around my little throat and squeezed the life right out of me.
You got me here. I can imagine the narrator sayng this words to another person, the sadness behind their eyes and the tone they would have spoken with.
I always thought my mommy loved me.
And that's the harsh reality. Don't all kids think like that when it comes to their parents?
She smelled funny, my mommy. That night that she killed me, she smelled bad. I cried and begged for my little life, but was ignored as she just squeezed tighter than before.
I like how you showed us she was drunk without telling us. Well done!
I still do not understand why my mommy hated me, but it matters no more. Tonight, I have my revenge. They are burying her next to me as she finally allowed her guilt overtake her. I have spent the past 20 years making sure that she never forgot me, and now she'll be with me once again...
The ending was just fantastic. It didn't matter anymore, because it was time for the narrato's revenge, which was nothing more than their dead bodies laying next to each other, spending their afterdeath lives together.
If I have to comment on your writing abilities alone, then this gets nine and a half writing pens out of ten.
-Marian.