Blood Will Tell - Comments

Hi =]
I like this story. But I found a small issue in chapter one.
"I laughed again, hard to control now I’d let it out."
I'm guessing that if you added the word that between the words now and I'd, it'd flow better.

This was an awesome line in chapter three:
"The door clicks, relinquishing my mind from its self-inflicted terror."

Question, do you mean cardiac arrest here,
"“Poppy! Help, doctor, someone please! She’s going into arrest!”"
?

In chapter four,
"They do that for me, to stop me freezing up, because you freeze faster without any red."
the word from would fit nicely between those two words.

In chapter five, this line was incredible:
The series of my own shrieks echoed through my detached mind and then the threatening, yet welcome darkness swallowed me up."
full of description. Well done =]

Good writing, I'm hooked.

Hi =]
I like this story. But I found a small issue in chapter one.
"I laughed again, hard to control now I’d let it out."
I'm guessing that if you added the word that between the words now and I'd, it'd flow better.

This was an awesome line in chapter three:
"The door clicks, relinquishing my mind from its self-inflicted terror."

Question, do you mean cardiac arrest here,
"“Poppy! Help, doctor, someone please! She’s going into arrest!”"
?

In chapter four,
"They do that for me, to stop me freezing up, because you freeze faster without any red."
the word from would fit nicely between those two words.

In chapter five, this line was incredible:
The series of my own shrieks echoed through my detached mind and then the threatening, yet welcome darkness swallowed me up."
full of description. Well done =]

Good writing, I'm hooked.

i loved your story.
it was very breathtakeing.
:]

As a person with a huge experience of reading that kind of stories (I am, I am... I'm quite insane), I can tell you... it was fascinating. Not good or grate, because those words are wrong, but capturing... You make your reader to be part of this story.. to be Poppy.
I'm sorry, if I can't properly express everything I feel, but it was different from your other stories (always good to evolve) and you succeeded in writing it.

Also, loved the layout. Very suiting shade of red.

You...This...

This must have been the greatest thing you've ever written. I don't think I can express in words how much this affected me, or how...wow...
I am in awe. This was amazing, and I'm not talking in the general sense of "Oh-ehm-gee! I loooove your story!" but as in... this was truly breathtaking!

How the hell did you manage to get to that state of mind?

I think an almost close to perfect representation of a schizophrenic mind.
[Almost perfect b/c we, who are not schizophrenic, will never truly know.]

Bravo.

This is wonderful! I wish there were more to the story, even though it ended extremely well. That news report was intense, it really added to the drama :)

My goodie goodie goodness! This was completely and utterly fantastic! You...you...you are amazing. I love reading things like this. When my friends ask me about the books that I read I go off on a tangent about the book and go into every gorey detail and this has topped off everything that I've read so far.

I've only read the first chapter but I love it already. {subscribes}
I can't wait to read more. :]

I love how you confused me terribly at first, but then it all came together in the end.
It was dark, and slightly disturbing. I loved how she kept laughing hysterically when she was in pain. I felt it displayed her madness.
I love that you've got her thoughts and feelings after she dies.
This was brilliant.

Gasp.
I loved it. Usually I hate reading things that are really long and such, but I think it ended too quickly!
It's a wonderful mix of poetry and clinically insane. ;D

That was amazing, it really made me think.
I like the way you portrayed her madness too.

It was really good. I sort of liked the slightly mad way you wrote it, it helped give the readers a sense that your character was slightly mad as well.

I really loved this.

I loved it :] great structure, and it was wonderful whether a oneshot or a short story ^.^

Thanks guys! It's in a weird sort of half-stage, where I'm not sure whether it's a one-shot or a short story, and I'm halfway through editing some sections so they may not make much sense! But thank you so much, I'm glad you feel able to criticise it!

^Yeah, the mass quantaties of effects and figures of speech went a little over my head at places but....

Damn.

The single sentance paragraphs were really awesome but I think there was maybe a few too many.

this was really, really good. it was a teeny bit confusing in a few places, but it was creative and interesting. the ending was amazing :]

Don't worry TavarElda! I've always been insane... :crazy:

Thanks for the lovely comments guys!

Gah, I should have guessed it would be something like this fromthe blurb/title, but not the best thing when I'm just about to go to bed.

Very nicely written, even if it was a depressing content, I'm just slightly worried about where you got the ideas and inspiration from.

I really enjoyed this story. It was amazingly written and just awe-inspiring to say the least.