April 20th, 2009 at 12:13am
Woah, I loved this. The metaphor was really powerful and once again, your imagery is stunning.
If I corrected a few of the mistakes, would I be able to use this as a style model for my english coursework, with source given? We have to write a story/monologue and I've been having trouble finding an appropriate one, but this is close to what I'm looking for. So if I decided to use it, could I?
:cute: :arms:
Anyway. Since you get two reviews for being the winner I decided to review this. Partly because of the ambiguity of the pairing and partly because it's bloody brilliant to tell the truth! :tehe:
I liked the opening. Nice and simple. The ink’s running out in the printer. It's a simple statement, and at the start of the drabble it doesn't really come across as much - it seems quite simple - but by the end it's become something really deep and can really be read into. The ink is symbolic of the relationship in the story.
It worries the narrator that it's printing wrong. It’s all printing out wrong; the reds are all fading the grey. The colours make me sick to look at. He doesn't seem to like things unless they're perfect, and seeing the colours coming out wrong makes him sad, because he seems to be a fan of colour, too.
This was clever. Tainted, it can’t acknowledge it’s failure as the ink run’s to dry across the white. He's viewing the printer as a living thing, but knows that living things all have flaws - and the printer's is that it doesn't know what it's doing and hence can't work out what it's doing wrong and why it's failing like it is.
The past tense immediately shows that things aren't perfect any more. We were technicolor. He views everything as colour - the most amazing things are bright, vivid colours, and the bad things are fading, or black and white. I loved how he described the relationship like that, it made it very different.
This line was really sad. The Ink started to fade. We were running out of time. He knows that their relationship is fading and he doesn't know what to do. He's losing his partner but he has no idea what he can do to salvage their relationship. You didn’t try, you didn’t replace the ink, and I didn’t know how. The narrator cares, but his partner doesn't. And that's so sad...it must have really hurt.
The ending was kind of upsetting, the narrator just wants to disappear and forget about everything. You faded to white without me but we’ll all just cancel out in the end. The Ink ran out after all. He wants to fade to white - I think white is not caring any more - but he can't. He knows he'll never stop caring and he's prepared to just keep on hurting.
Amazing. I'm sorry I didn't review this when you posted it.