oh wow o.O very intense but i loved it all the same!!! amazing job.
July 1st, 2009 at 05:47am
I really did like this. I love descriptive writing that’s not too flowery. This just had the perfect amount of description. It painted a nice picture, but didn’t over do it with unnecessary detail.
There’s a few simple typos, though. I’m sure if you took a second look at it or had someone look over it you could fix those simply.
Once Michael entered the barn, my face was stuck in this look of disgust. Like my eyebrows were creased and my nose was crinkled. Like I said, you’re really good at description. I didn’t want to stop reading.
There was few times when you missed words, which made it impossible for me to get what you were saying, though.
I think the last line was kind of…eh. If you ended it with the last full paragraph, it would have been a much stronger ending. “And for whatever reasons all this had happened, Michael was sure it wasn’t going to end.”
